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2/28/11
I ignore them, their calls. They beg me to be like them, to make eye contact when they see me walking down the hall, but I refuse. I think it irritates them...why disturb the universe? I do it because I think im better than them...most of them...That is what is required of me. No ties. Nothing personal.

Some times I pretend im listening. I am skilled in the art of tuning people out. (They are going to ask to disregard that bell...yup.) I sit and let my mind wander to the most unfamiliar places. Am I awake? Sadly.

I feel slightly bad for resorting back to doing this. Am I returning to the way I used to be? After the first time...after what happened...should I? I thought I wouldn't but now I have. There was a time when I thought it was juvenile. Perhaps I still do...

Still no eye contact. (Why do people insist on thinking that this is a novel-in-the-making? This is a sketchbook...) People are rather persistant. (No im not writing a book...it's a ******** research paper. Mind your own. (It's a good thing they can't read my handwriting...)) I still refuse them however. They want me to look at them so that they can jerk their eyes back and execute an odd series of blinking because they think it makes it look like they were'nt looking. Thats why I am better than them....because I know how their minds work...(Edgar Allen Poe is a literary genius she says. I agree. She says this right after she informs me that I did well on my totaly fake research paper. (Not the one I lied about previously.) Then why am I still failing your class, whore?)

I sometimes think it's odd that I sometimes think as if I were more than a single person. We should do this. That is not good for us. At least I dont speak that way. Though I rarely do speak. (She says she is highly against disclosing student grades to whom they don't belong, yet she insists on accidentally giving me Gavin's graded work...) Perhaps it is because I live in more than one state of being; with the pill, and without it. Honestly, I consider my drugged mind to be my "right mind", and my natural one to be my stupid, outside, undeveloped, teenage mind.
Sometimes it feels good to take a break from thinking though.(My hair kinda sucks today.)

(Need to take home my print piece from art class and Pollock it up with paint tonight. Need to finish my practice exam in 7th period. Need to finish my preliminary sketch for the airport piece by FRIDAY. Need make sure the contract for the airport piece is signed and turned in ($$$). Need to take vocab quiz, also in 7th period. Need to make a list of music to be put onto my ipod and give it to dad before he flies home tomorrow without it. Need to type this all into Gaia. Ugh... I hate Mondays.)