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okay so this isn't mine - I found it in a news paper a couple years ago...like five or six years ago. I found it hilarious and still do.

So...I was minding my own business...
Well ... ok, I was terrorizing a village of Munchkins
But they're so damn short they deserve it.
It's like they're asking for abuse
And I was coming up with one heck of a spell
That would have knocked that Harry Potter kid on his a**.

When all the sudden, a house drops on me.
Like that. Just like in the cartoons or a silent movie
When a piano lands on someone's head.
I didn't even have time to fly off
Or lay a mean hex on the girl.
And it should have tipped off
That all those Munchkins were looking up
But those pygmies always look up
Everyone else is a sight damn taller than they are ...

And I die instantly and Dorothy's the big hero,
Not because of anything she did, mind you
But just out of dumb luck. I mean,
If the tornado blew a mile south,
The scarecrow would have been a pile of hay by now ...

And Glenda, everybody's favorite good witch
Suddenly pops up. Ooh, she's been waiting for years
For something like this to happen to me
And what do you think that b***h Glenda does?
She gives Dorothy my ruby slippers!
Do you know how hard it is to find ruby slippers
in 12 triple E size? What do you think,
That they grow on trees or that Prada just hands them out
To any old wicked witch who wants them?
And of course, they look better on her than they did on me!

So now I have teh mother of all headaches
And these damn Munchkins won't stop dancing,
In the middle of the Yellow Brick Road
Singing, "The wicked witch is dead."
And all I have to look at is
The most hideous wall paper I've ever seen
In my life for the rest of eternity.

1.- If I were a fruit I'd be... an apple
2.- If I were a colour I'd be... green
3.- If I were an animal I'd be... lemur
4.- If I were a dometic appliance I'd be... a blender
5.- If I were a book I'd be... Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
6.- If I were a clothing item I'd be... a warm winter beanie type hat
7.- If I were a jewel I'd be... an opal
8.- If I were an object I'd be... a couch
9.- If I were a car I'd be... a safe one
10.- If I were an element I'd be... water - fog
11.- If I were a tree I'd be... a weeping willow
12.- If I were a drink I'd be.... water
13.- If I were an ice cream flavor I'd be.... vanilla with peanut butter cups
14.- If I were a person I'd be.... me
15.- If I were a planet I'd be.... Neptune
16.- If I were an insect I'd be... a dragon fly
17.- If I were public transport I'd be... a side walk
18.- If I were a song I'd be... a classical one
19.- If I were a movie I'd be... an animated one
20.- If I were a season I'd be... autumn
21.- If I were a flower I'd be... Tiger Lily
22.- If I were a job I'd be... fun
23.- If I were a cartoon I'd be... a polictically incorrect one
24.- If I were a place I'd be... a waterfall deep inside a forest
25.- If I were a gift I'd be... homemade
26.- If I were a memory I'd be... one with the water on a bright day
27.- If I were a city I'd be... a clean on
28.- If I were a sense I'd be... sound
29.- If I were a game I'd be... Hide and Go Seek
30.- If I were a candy I'd be... Frozen Reeces Peanut Butter Cups
31.- If I were a time of the day I'd be...sunrise
32.- If I were an invention I'd be... camera
33.- If I were a bodypart I'd be... fingers
34.- If I were a country I'd be... Scotland
35.- If I were a flavor I'd be.... salty
36.- If I were a sport I'd be.... boche
37.- If I were a smell I'd be...,. rain
38.- If I were a subject I'd be... photography
39.- If I were a flag I'd be... white
40.- If I were a building I'd be... victorian
41.- If I were a month I'd be...October
42.- If I were a perfume I'd be... vanilla scented
43.- If I were a gummy candy I'd be...swedish fish
45.- If I were a toy I'd be... legos
46.- If I were a textile I'd be... canvas
47.- If I were a shape I'd be... organic
48.- If I were a answer I'd be... a question
49.- If I were a common liquorice I'd be... black
50.- If I were a word I'd be... box

I got smooshered today. Well the back end of my car did anyway. Smashed out the back window, bumper is now whee the window used to be, and my neck and shoulders are killing me. Thankfully it wasn't my fault and the guy behind me got a ticket for tailgating.

came up with this of an away message and yeah its kind stuck with me

It changed to yellow
I knew I wouldn't make it
Slowed down
Stopped

I slid into traffic
Screaming
A semi across from me

I pull over
Get out
Dad's gonna be so p****d

Weeeeell....I'm uber bored right now, mom's off to the store, it's 10:20 in the morning and no one is online. Why do people sleep so damn late. Grr you all.
Well, last night I was looking at different tattoo ideas for the tattoo that I'm going to get when I turn 18! biggrin Do my parents know this you ask? Ha not yet, but they will.....in a few months. Only one year until I can get it done without their "permission". But yeah, I saw some of the not-so-great ones, I thought I was going to be sick. xp I hate needles, and I want a tattoo, cause yeah that works out well. The thing is I want to have a Celtic band aound my wrists done, and with the skin there being rather thin and close to the veins....extreme pain factor. But I really want it done, so I have about 13 months to get over it. And why can't I get it done anywhere else? Cause well, I don't want it anywhere else. I like having designs on my hands and I want them to become perminant. So that's where attoos come in. I want to get some henna designs over the summer so that I'm not drawing on my hands and getting in trouble. And I'm gonna bring Jenn with me. blaugh
Well, that's about it I think, except that I'm hungry and I think i'll go grab something to eat. *shrugs*

stare stare EXACTLY ONE!!! MONTH TILL MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 17 !!!!!!!!!! stare stare biggrin blaugh

Hmm, this is my first time here on Gaia but I know that I already like it. I can't write much now because I have to go visit family soon for dinner but I can atleast say that this place and a few other sites have brightened up my dreary weekend. So I'm gonna go grab a shower then come back later tonight and continue working on increasing my gold amount and exploring. 3nodding