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Hey thar, giiiirl. Time for a redo on that essay I wrote you, hm? You certainly deserve one after all the s**t I've been putting you through lately.

So, let me start off with what's exactly on my mind right now. That one day..that we fought-- You said that all you wanted was to be equal to Ryan. Not any better, nor worse. I took that, and I thought hard about what I needed to do. Now everything I do that involves him, I also need to think about you, and vice versa. To be honest, it's been hard for me. It's like putting two fat kids on a balance scale AND THEY JUST KEEP EATING DONUTS. Heh. Maybe that makes a little sense to you, maybe not. I realize that I must confuse you terribly. But anyway, again, like I said in Ryan's essay, all I want is to see you happy. To know that I've been the one to destroy that-- Oh, it's unbearable. You really do mean a lot to me Anthony, and I'd advise you to seriously ignore me if I'm about to explode on you about something. Sometimes I'm moody |: I apologize~

Hey ! Wasn't this supposed to be why I love you ? Hm, maybe I should get on that, huh? Well, Anne. You popped into my life about two months ago, stalking me at an instance. Y'know..I love that~ You seemed so innocent with your blushing emoticons and gigglefits over Ryan. That made me so happy-- Every girl loves to gossip, I'm sure. And of course, that was tons of fun with you xD That's a huge thing I love about you..You're always fun to talk to, no matter what. I'm not exactly sure how hard you try to make me laugh, but you're darn tootin' good at it. Although, I would seriously appreciate if you stopped correcting me. -_- It makes me feel all stupid inside.

Now then, -sigh- (This is the part where you started talking about how you don't want a period and bewbies and got me all off-track.) OHOHO. No, I know what to type now ;D You make me feel great about myself. All the time you seem to want to pick me right up, with your little compliments like how my face is a pretty poo. ._. (Thanks?) SOMETIMES THOUGH, You can be such a little a** :3 But hey, I love donkeys~ No matter what, I know you never intend to be mean <3 And thus, I never get offended. (But, if that's not the case, you should tell me now so I can slap you virtually, mkay?) Err-- I think it'd be great to have a tea party with you.. That was just a random thought. -Ahem- Going on..

Poop. This is all you're getting for now |:
I'll let you know when I add more, because really, I'm in too much of a good mood to keep writing D: <

* Yes CB, we've been over this before. TL;DR.
Pft. It's not for you. It's for Ryan. Get over yourself.

Anyway. Helllooooo Ryan. I've decided that to put this in essay format would probably make this boring for me, and therefore, ruin the entire thing. So, really, this is just a wall of text explaining why I love you-- and beyond. (?) Whether you decide to read the whole thing, well, that's your choice. Really, I never expected you to write me anything.
( But it would be nice of you ; ; )

Hm. So. It's almost been a year, as you may know. August 31st. Huh, I remember saying that a couple months ago and you corrected me on the date. I felt extremely ashamed-- Now, I feel like I've known you for much more than a year, maybe even my entire life. It's just one of those things I can't really explain, but I can quickly go over it just to give you a bit of a picture. I expect you to say things and react a certain way. Sometimes, you do, and other times, you surprise me. Those other times just make me curious as to what I don't know.. And what I hope to find out. Even if, as I said today, it might be better that I don't know. It's as if I need to be able to know what you're thinking at all times-- as if I could tell when you're being truthful, instead of asking like I often do. Trust, is an important role of friendship :I

Now, moving away from that a bit, I want you to know that you lighten my days up so often. <3 Some days, I feel like I'm not worth anything, and no one would care if I left this ..happy little planet.. And then I speak to you. You're something, or rather, someone to hope for. To look up to and just make me smile because I know you're there. When you're upset, I disconnect from myself momentarily and just listen to everything you say. If you're silent, I just wish I could make you laugh. But, I know deep down that I'm unable to help-- Well, maybe not unable, but, sometimes I just wish someone could just tell me what to do when I'm lost. You know that I'd do anything to keep you happy. No, not just that. I'd do anything for you. Just say the word :3

People tell me that I'm obsessive, and for a long time I denied it. But, you know, and I now know, it's completely true. I find no reason why I shouldn't be. (Besides of course, if I get to the point of annoying you owo) You're really the sweetest guy I've ever met. I certainly have met those who appear to be just as sweet, or even more, but it's just behind a mask. Everything you say to me goes straight to the heart, whether it be good or bad. I don't see you as a liar whatsoever, but occasionally my brain just puts up a warning flag-- because I'm worried and anxious. My biggest fear is losing you, and that sometimes means I feel the need to question you just to make sure everything is okay. As optimistic as I try to show I am, for the most part, my thoughts tend to be worst-case scenario. :/

No matter what, I can't get myself to -want- to stop chatting with you. I remember those days we'd stay up all night..and those days were absolutely wonderful. Every single one. But, do you see it's happening again? ********. It's 4:27am right now, and I haven't slept in 3 days. Is it simply because I don't feel like sleeping ? No. It's because I know you're awake, and I can't stop thinking about you. It feels silly to me-- to love a -guy- so much. But I know it's real. Not only have I never felt so strongly towards a guy, I haven't felt this strongly towards anyone. You seemed so..'Ryan', today. Lately, you've been a little off..and it puts me on the edge. I've been a little jittery, and violent towards my family and irl "friends".. And, maybe I've been a little bit of a loner.. But, don't take that as me blaming you ): It's my choice, or..I do things without thinking.

Y'know, you've got all these little things you do that annoy the s**t out of me. But, I don't say anything. I just drop them on someone else, and that someone else is often enough, Anthony. Why him? Why don't I just tell you? Those are questions I'm still figuring out myself..and pushing towards being the most honest person I can be, which I hope you to be. I like thinking about all the great things about you. Those things put me to sleep easily-- giving me those silly dreams that I was so dramatic about at first. It's those things, and that hope, that keep me by your side no matter what..And I'm always willing to put you first.

..You want honesty? Well, go ahead and laugh at what I'm about to type. Sometimes, I imagine your laugh, and imagine what you sound like. That one video you showed me of the tornado-- I'm still not sure which one is you. D; This morning I found myself imagining what it'd be like if you were here. (As I ate my breakfast? Yep.) I also have said before that you look so girly, but you've still got that masculine..way you act ? Sure. It's confusing-- and dare I say, Mysterious. But I love that about you. I love that you make me wonder and think :3 Heh, forget that. I just love you overall. Everything about you <3