|
|
|
It strikes me that I post in this journal very infrequently.
It also strikes me that half my entries revolve around how infrequently I update.
Chalk up another one, kids.
 Malaryush · Sun Dec 11, 2005 @ 10:59pm · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have a job now. I also have a lovely house, which I am renting. It's nice and big.
Life is lovely. Whee.
Malaryush · Sat Oct 15, 2005 @ 09:52pm · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I should probably post in my journal a little more often.
I've been told I should post in my LJ as well. I stink at journals.
Working on finding a job, now, anyway. I also stink at job-hunting, it would seem.
Malaryush · Wed Jul 20, 2005 @ 07:31am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I just woke up, and I wanted to put this somewhere. I couldn't think of where, at first, but then I decided here. I don't know if it'll stay or not.
I just dreamt...I don't know how to describe it. I had Finn's body, somehow, and it hadn't yet been cremated. I found I also had not only some euthanasia solution lying around the house, but also some "reversal agent" for the euthanasia solution. (There are some drugs for which reversal agents exist...this, of course, would not be one.)
In the dream, I'd been considering how wrong it was for me to have euthanized Finn...that it was too early, that I should've given him more time. And so, in the dream, I got his body and administered the reversal agent. I didn't really expect anything to happen -- and yet, suddenly, moments after I gave it, his lungs inflated, his heart began to beat again, and he opened his eyes. Finn was alive again.
In retrospect, I suppose it was all very 'Pet Cemetary'-esque, although no such thing occurred to me during the dream itself. Finn was just alive again, walking around the apartment once more. Finn was there again. It went on for several days; he wasn't quite himself, but he was there, and that was enough for me.
But then the seizures started again, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. And the tissues which had been damaged during his period of death weren't repaired, couldn't repair themselves. He was dying all over again. In the dream, I realized that I'd made a horrible, horrible mistake in undoing his death. I'd just wanted him back, and I'd been wrong. It had already been too late.
I ran to grab what euthanasia solution I had left, and cornered him in the bathroom. Before I woke up, I just saw him...the most vivid mental image one could have in a dream. He was sitting there in my bathtub, moving and real and Finn. His eyes were enormous, and the pupils constricted down to slits. He was struggling to breath with his mouth wide, the mucous membranes bright red and inflamed where they were eroding away. Parts of his lips were rotten and missing.
I honestly can't say that I've ever seen anything as horrible, as disturbing, as awfully wrong in my entire life. And that's when I woke up. I woke up and just cried.
I miss Finn. I miss him horribly. Something is just missing every moment of my day. But I can't get him back. And I can't stop crying.
Malaryush · Thu Jan 27, 2005 @ 03:23pm · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
It does. Finn snagged it with a claw earlier...got it hooked right in and pierced the tip of my finger. It still throbs a little.
I like to complain in these journal entries. So...I'm also really tired, and fed up with the CCU shift. I'm also trying to come to terms with the realization that I may need to euthanize Finn before long. I'm not doing to well on the whole "coming to terms" part, though.
On the bright side, I was called "placid" by a classmate today. Oh, and Steve Irwin was at my school.
Jumping to a totally different topic, I initially started writing this journal assuming that it would just be friends who read it. I suppose I should've known better, but I was a bit taken by surprise that there are total strangers commenting on my posts, most likely having found me through the spotlight.
I don't mean this in a negative way, like people should stop reading/commenting; I'm fine with that. It was just a bit unexpected for some reason. But, considering how many PMs I get from random strangers due to the spotlight (I'm up to over 780, now,) I really should have known better.
Malaryush · Wed Nov 24, 2004 @ 07:07am · 3 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I guess I should be glad that this is only the second migraine I've had so far this week. sweatdrop It could be worse.
This CCU thing is killing me. Getting up before 4:30am is killing me. 12 hour shifts are killing me.
I keep finding myself thinking, "Well, I need to do dishes and cook some of the things I have in the fridge... I can just make it through this week, and then do that over the weekend." Then I remember that I don't have a weekend. CCU is 7 days a week, for four weeks. ********.
It was a relatively good day until mid-afternoon, when we were trying to do all our afternoon treatments at about the same time as a whole slew of emergencies came in, and the post-op patients started rolling in. I gained four new patients in about an hour, and by evening rounds I barely knew what was going on with any of them.
I also got bitten by a dog today. Wasn't bad. Had to fill out a bite report and an on-the-job-injury form anyway.
I think I'm going to die before the end of November.
Malaryush · Fri Nov 05, 2004 @ 03:41am · 4 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I like sleep, and would like more of it.
Tired. Was on emergency receiving duty Sunday from 3p-11p, then I started CCU today. Had to be in by 5:40a to get everything done, which meant I had to wake up shortly after 4a. Which means I'm friggin' tired.
Malaryush · Tue Nov 02, 2004 @ 04:26am · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Time for more stuff. surprised
Wheee...I just realized I had more replies to my last post. whee I never remember to check my own journal, so I tend to miss out on those until the next time I make a post. Hee. And yes, Kansai, I remember your underwear story. xd
I had a good day. 3nodding Went to the hospital to check on my patient -- a cute little Dachshund we did back surgery on yesterday -- and for rounds. Then on my way home from the hospital, a little black dog came bursting across the street toward me. eek
It's a very busy street I was walking by, so it's a lucky miracle he didn't get himself hit. He was probably around 25-30lbs, and built low to the ground, so it'd be easy for a driver not to see him. I called him over once he was across the street and he came right up to me. He had a humane society license but no name/address tag. sweatdrop
So....I carried the dog home (my arms are killing me gonk ) so I could get a phone book and a leash, hooked the dog up and called the humane society. They gave me the owner's phone number, and I left a message -- no answer, though. Waited...waited...paced around with the dog for nearly an hour with the hopes that the owner would call back. Called the HS again to see if they had a work number, but no such luck. They offered to pick the dog up, but I said I'd wait with him a bit more.
Eventually I started going door to door trying to see if anyone recognized the little guy. While I was at that, the owner finally called back! 3nodding So after about an hour and a half with the little guy, the owner drove over to where we were and he got to go home. His name was Max. whee Such a very sweet little dog, I was glad to see him get back to his home. The guy gave me $10; I felt bad taking it and tried to refuse, but he had it in my hand before I knew what was going on. gonk
Anyway, things like that make me feel good. A nice, happy ending. Lost doggie un-lost. 3nodding heart Yay.
Malaryush · Sat Oct 30, 2004 @ 07:14pm · 3 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Random story.
I've been doing dishes, since I let them pile up a bit. It gets warm doing dishes, so I was just wearing this...undershirt/"wife-beater" type thing. I wore the shirt earlier today, but with a long-sleeved shirt over top it.
On taking a break from dishes, I decided I should gather up some trash and take it out to the dumpster...trying to be productive and all. Still wearing the undershirt thing, but it's dark outside already, and I almost never run into anyone this time of night when I'm taking things out to the dumpster -- which isn't far from my apartment.
So I go out there, and there's a guy with a pick-up truck parked right in front of the dumpsters such that he had them totally blocked off; in order to get to the dumpsters, I had to circle his truck and squeeze in through a small passage right where the guy was standing.
Guy: *leer-leer-leer* Hell-o... biggrin
Me: ... Hello. sweatdrop Er...excuse me... *makes furtive motions toward the dumpster with the bag full of trash*
Guy: Here, I help you. *leer-leer* biggrin *takes the trash and throws it into the dumpster*
So I thanked him, and scurried back to my apartment. I never know what to make of situations like that. sweatdrop On the one hand, he was polite and helped out, and didn't make me squeeze past him to get the trash into the dumpster. On the other hand, he was still totally leering the whole time, and he was at least twice my age.
My lesson: Even if it's dark, and the trip would only take a minute, don't go out in an undershirt-thing. gonk
Malaryush · Fri Oct 22, 2004 @ 03:08am · 6 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
