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Ah...things resolved...and COLLEGE! |
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Hm...hm...uh-huh...yeaaahh.,,,,,,,
Okay, things from Nii-chan are all on good terms now. Though I hate it when he acts all sad and depressed and don't tell em about it and make me sick!
Sheesh....anyway, love him to death <3
ALRIGHT COLLEGE!!!
ZOMG I'M SO NERVIOUS AND EXITED!!!! I'm living in a dorm, AWSOME!!! <3 lolz can't wait for school to start...well...not really...^.^;;;
I still have lil bitz and pieces to do....but those are easy stuff...*nods*
But ZOMG..@.@
I have to wake up nearly around 8am every day!....but thats okay...I have the rest of the afternoon to take a nap XD lolz!!!
Wish me luck! <3
 ReldaDark · Sat Jul 28, 2007 @ 11:15am · 0 Comments |
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WHY AM I A ******** IDIOT?! |
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Tonight.....I walked out on a serious conversation that nii-chan and me were having.......
WHY am I so stupid?! Why couldn't I find something at seprated him from just a friend?! God...just kill me now.......I'm an idiot that doesn't diserve to live in this world nor in any world present!
I've been getting negative things through out the conversation...he's been trying is best to tell me aout what he wants to know from me...I've tried but he keeps on thinking that I'm not getting it...and tries again...the more he tries to explain it, I get more depressed and feel more stupid that I'm just a idiot that knows NOTHING! Then I get mysdelf into a panic attack and ....I have no clue where or what in which direction my mind needs to look for....
The very person whom I go to when I feel like s**t...is now making me feel like s**t...and worse....
I hate it when I second guess myself...I HATE IT!!!!! I don't want to...it hurts so much...
I'm so sorry, nii-chan...I'm so sorry.......I have no clue what to say....I don't want to hurt you...I don't have the words to explain.....I'm so scared and depressed feels so useless on this that....if I even try...I feel like you won't be able to get my meaning...........
Someone please tell me that I'm just an idiot....I need to die now.......
Oh nii-chan....if I could only SHOW you rather than TELL you what makes you different....but even so, what would it be....what does make you different? I'm so confused.........
ReldaDark · Tue Jun 26, 2007 @ 09:00am · 1 Comments |
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Too much to remeber!....Alot has happened... |
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Hey! Whats up?
Been a little too long hasn't it?
It's April and in May I'll be graduating! 3nodding
I'm sorta not looking for it though....may reasons too >.O
Anyway....I don't really have a lot to tell....Not much happens in my life, how boreing is that?!
All I can give my friends is that I've been reading alot of fanfictions, watching naruto, playing a new game I recently got...around Spring Breack...and AMV of comidians...
though, meh drawings haven't improved, in my opinion...haven't got the heart to draw much anymore....kinda sad....
Someone told me something that unsettled me a little bit. Kinda made me feel alittle doubtful of my personality...I felt a little ofended, even if I said I wouldn't get angry and I perstered him to tell me. But I can't help but feel...i dunno, angry and distapontied....
No, not distaponited....sadden....~sigh~ It's also he's so comlecated! He doesn't go on Gaia, so I have no fear...yet...>.>; Kinda hard to vent out emotions. Especially when you don't want them to take them the wrong way, He kinda guess I was a lil...'off' I should say and tried to make me happy...kinda worked...but the stupid pit is still there....AND it wouldn't go away!! Kie! >.<;;
Anywho, it had been a week and he hasn't e-mailed me...normal enought really. I don't talk to him for a week juts so I have something interesting to talk about, ja know? Kinda boreing if you just sit there....
"Uuhh....So....Whats up?"
"You asked that two minutes ago..."
"Really?"
"Yeah..."
"Oh...okay..."
*Two minutes later...
"Soo....whats up?"
"Sigh...*sweatdrop*"
That's be really weeiirrdd....>.O;
So, I'm saying I'm alive, not dead anyway...^.^ Fell like it...oh well, a lil bit, oh well....I'm having NO motovation WHATS SO EVER...IT'S KILLING MEEEE!! >.<
All I wanna do is sleeeeeep.....I feel a lil sick to day, took my temp. but it was normal....so I guess is juts a headach, ate some ramen and drunk two glasses of water...<3 I feel better than before I ate, but now I feel the same.
Anyway....Luv ya people!! ^.O heart
We'll see when I come back next time...it'll be awhile... sweatdrop
ReldaDark · Sat Apr 14, 2007 @ 10:57pm · 3 Comments |
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Yesh, i've been troubled....I'm having a hard time figureing out how to tell my mom how I don't want to go over to her place and tak college...........
~sigh~............I was thinking during spring break I'll tell her.....but.....it might be too late. That'd be around...april, ne?
auughh........*colapses* sad
ReldaDark · Sun Jan 28, 2007 @ 01:14am · 1 Comments |
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It's been awhile since I have wrote in this journal!!! ^.^
As you can see, this are going okay! XD ^.O
I'm in a happy mood, regardless of my lack fo sleep! sweatdrop
How's people?
I have a exams comeing up! I hope I don't fail!!! *tears* I have such a major problem with history...its evil....I have note cards, timeline, make up work, studing for tests....and a batony project to do... great...^.^;
Family's okay... Though things are....erm...'fiffy'....between some members... sweatdrop
My friends are being quite nice too! ^.O There sweet! I'm happy heart
Hehehe!! Well thats all...OH!! I got a new CD and it ROCKS!!! XD
I'm listing to it right nows too!! n.n
Wheeee!!! I'm very inspired...and feel like drawing!!! XD
Well...NOW THATS ALL...XD Bye-bye fer nows! ^.O
ReldaDark · Thu Dec 07, 2006 @ 12:28am · 1 Comments |
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Augh....I've been on Drawer's Block far too long!
I've started to re-read my mangas again! Hopefully I'll get out of it soon for my other Art Requests...I feel seriously bad about it all... You know..there are just a few pictures that seem so weird that you don't know HOW to draw them...I'll finish Bloody's pic first...then work on them in order...I've realize that if the picture is not colored...I get it done faster...o.o; Why is that?
It seems they are very tolarable...erm...tolarateing ME for taking too long.
I'm begining to think that I will only take 4 picture requests next time. *nods* I reserve two people already...so...two more will will be open. sweatdrop
~sigh~ >.< Oh Kami! Please help meeeehh!!!
*prays*
ReldaDark · Thu Oct 26, 2006 @ 02:30am · 1 Comments |
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W00t! I gave blood yesterday!! I feeelll Gooooooooooooood!
XD lol! heart
It felt weird...They had to p***k my finger to see if I had enough Iron in my blood...also they had to ask alot of questions...but I did that on the computer....XD
Then I had to WAIT forever! I was sssooo nervious!!!
When I got the needle stuck in me I was all looking away! I could watch! It hurted a lil bit. But it felt soo WEIRD...
I could feel like a lil plastic thing in my arm. It felt sore when I tried to move, even if it's just a lil bit. I have to fill one IV bag and 5 tubes. 3nodding
I sooo wanna know my blood type! biggrin
Kie!!! I hope I saved a life! And that my blood isn't comtaminated! gonk
that'll be bad!!! xp
ReldaDark · Sat Oct 14, 2006 @ 01:30am · 4 Comments |
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~*~ Kero's Art Shop!! ~*~ XD |
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I made a shop!!! XD wheeee!!!
I have two customers right now! XD ^.^
heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart
Heres the link too! heart
~*~Kero's Art Shop~*~
ReldaDark · Mon Oct 09, 2006 @ 11:45pm · 1 Comments |
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My little thanks to all those who consider me a friend.... |
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*laughs*
I don't know why...but I want to tell who my friends changed me and how I see myself. *scratches head*
Well...I think I'm an okey-person. I'm not the best person to be around...cuz I don't really like being around people all that much. The only exeption are my friends.
Ahh...Friends...they have thier good points...well...for me...MAJOR good points ^.^
Now...how many people have went through a despersion stage within thier life? I can think of many...but how many have thier friends their major change in life? Maybe alot?
Before my change, I didn't really left 'fitted' within my new family. I didn't mind for my dad was happy. So, I did too...or at least tried to...I was the only one...who was a teen, to like cartoons still in my house. I didn't really care, for it was a...erm..more 'mature' cartoons(?). And my clothing wasn't very favored by my step-mom...she called my cloths 's**t'...literaly...she really did say that. I guess she tried to change me into being more of a girly-girl...like Franny and Missy, all into make-up and dress and hair...Though I prize my hair and eyes, I just can't see how thay can get so...fuzzed up about clothing! I like only certin cloths...somthing that tells whomever looking at me, what I am, if they don't seem to get it by my personality...Joanna was more withdrawn than me...I was showing small effort to connect with the two...er...THREE familys. Missy was okey...but her lack of common sence and her 'pig' style ways drove me crazy. Franny was just a b***h...always geting what she wants, when she wants it...but regradless, she's changeing...slowly but surely. I hope she changes for the best...Ben just got to be more of a jerk. Still nastey as ever though... sweatdrop
*laugh* ^.^ I didn't change untill AFTER we moved into Round Lake. We started to live in a houseing...which was CRAMPED for a family of 7. Plus a puppy coming...
We lived near a library...which was my second home...other than school. ^.^
Becky was the first to know that I like anime...and got introduced to a WHOLE lot more! And then on after, we all kept with each other...that was the beinging of..er...the 3/4ish of 8th grade. ^.^ I keep meeting more...and more...I became more opened up towards them for they felt..sercured with me...that made me feel great, some one who actually wants my own opinion! heart
They even staied my friends, better yet...we've all became closer...well...some of us...But still...this was a huge step for me...
They changed me, and I tried to give my part as well...I don't know what I did exactlly but what ever I did, it was a good thing. Chibi and Bon have told me thanks. ^.O They are soo sweet! heart
Chibi and Bon are my best friends. I can tell them ANYTHING, hopefully, I will get more like them too. 3nodding
Amu, from what I belive, is really close. She was my first friend that I even bothered to remember. O.o; How mean is that? My whole middle school year was a fake. I don't really remember all of it...but I do remember Amu and Sara being in beginers band with me...all three of us playing the flute. razz
Amu is ssooo swilly...yes..She is one of my best friends too. heart
I don't mean to single out people and let the others rot, no, every friend I made, has played a part of my self-recovering, self-covedince, and self-awareness. They, meaning everyone, has helped me, in more than one way, think of what I am...in others eyes...and...I like what I saw. I wanted to make them happy by being the person that is me...not the fake I use during Middle School.
They showed me my wounderful good points...and my unfortuante bad points.
Apparintly, I have more good than bad within me...but the bad things are...some-what...a biggie...
Anyway...I treasure them, you, everyone. By being close to my friends, gave me the idea that, why couldn't I be that way with my family? ^.^ You know what? Fanny, Joanna, Missy and Dad are my closest family memebrs...oh...Debbie too! heart So...it worked...and I'm glad too.
Okey, okey...I hope all my friends see this...To know that they are thought of...on oddest time of night and weird days that make me feel grateful to all those who I hold dear. Even to the point of tears. Ha! Yes, I do cry when ever I think of them. xd But I'm not ashamed of it. heart
Love you guys...and Thanks.
ReldaDark · Sun Oct 08, 2006 @ 08:34am · 4 Comments |
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