the light of the burning day
fades into night as i stay awake
the memories of anger, power and fear
surge through me like a poison, oh dear
fear floods my mind, over powering every emotion
this is a past, my wilted black rose
tears rush down my red face, burning the skin
the memories flood me, this i can't help but dwell in
My life is happy, full of love and care
I am soon to be sixteen, but back then i was a new teenager
with many friends to bear, the problems and agony of a friendship with me
each memory more painful than the next,
he sat on my bed and wouldn't let me rest
"is this yours?" he so painfully implied, that i was the culprit
that i was the one that lied
HE brought the poison into the house
HE poured the smoke into his mouth
how could it have been me? i'm only thirteen!
it wasn't me..it wasn't me!!
i'm not the filthy culprit
NOT me
NOT me
the body lay cold
yellow and shriveled
not a breath came in nor out
a heart so loving, now lay dead in a woman called
my Nan
Back then i was thirteen aswell, just left my father
so to come to PA and watch my grandmother die
This memory, so unwilling to die
fighting every chance i give for it to fly
to slip away and give me peace
but no it tries to continually kill me
it slaps me in the face and remind me, i shouldn't have cried
when i was expected to stay with her and him for two weeks
i should have been brave
to put a smile on her face
i was such a child.. so selfish and mean
the next memory that haunts me
is suicidal thought number one, oh what a dream
I lay in bed awake
unwilling to dream
they're at it again
I hear every echoed scream
listening so close to every profain name
each four letter swear word, cutting me open in an emotional
and mental way
their fight continues just for him to drag my name into it
'what'd i do?' i thought to myself 'what did i do that was just so wrong?'
at the age of nine, i lay awake
trying to block their fight out and get ready for the
next school day
it doesn't work and starts to effect me
I lay awake
dreaming of my death
dead with stab wounds
and watching from heaven as they ponder on
if i killed myself
this is not where the memories end
they tumble through me
killing each wonderful memory i ever had
leaving me, in memorable pain
therapy made it worse
more depressed and raw
i hated that guy, he should just rot
the guy i so angrily referred to is coach number three
his abuse and harming memory
The acrobatics coach molest and abused a girl of sixteen
then a girl of twelve
then would have come me
if the girl hadnt told and kept so quiet
i would be scared for life and never trust another man
she told a friend and the friend confessed
As i've said
each memory kills me inside
but now, you're in my life
giving me love, security and joy
Thank you mother, brother and Kawaii sweetie
All of you are soo kawaii
the light which faded
rises again, appearing from hideing
and i remain asleep
the tears still stain my burning red cheeks
and i am dreaming of you
please do not let anyone wake me
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