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I feel this is as good a time as any to tell you all that I am stupid.

I'm not just saying this because I'm fishing for compliments, which I'm not, I'm saying it because it's true...at least sometimes.

People say to me, "Oh, you're so smart!" but in reality, I'm probably one of the dumbest people I know...I just test well and absorb information like a sponge.
They can't see why, but I know it's because if I don't think over everything I say...thoroughly...then I sound totally offensive or misinformed. And the kicker is that usually I don't really mean what I said, or it's incorrect, so I sound like either an idiot or a totally heartless b***h...which are not very good things at all.

So you want to know why or how I'm "so smart"? It's because I have to be. I've trained myself to ask questions and become informed on whatever I need to know so I don't say something totally stupid, and I've trained myself to think over what I want to say before it passes my lips...there you have it, the secret to my brilliance...inquisitiveness and careful planning.