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People keep telling me to stop caring. He is not worth it, and he will only keep hurting me over and over and over. I'm probably really stupid when it comes to this, but I can't stop caring. Yes, Raymond is an a***e and so am I. We hurt eachother physically, mentally, and emotionally. So we're both evenly matched wether he likes it or not. There's a lot I know about Raymond and he knows a lot about me. It feels like he is exploiting my weaknesses for his own pleasure. But there is such a thing as karma. It will bite you in the a one day. I know it bit mine. I hurt you, and you broke up with me. I went to jail because of what I have done, and it came around alright. Not once did I ever see a "I'm sorry Tina" in all of this. I do deserve an apology for him hurting me as badly as he did. Lying to my face before he left. Continuing to do so when he is in Arkansas. I kept apologizing to him from the moment I got out of jail to the moment he left the house. And I meant every word of it. Still do. I'm not guilting you into anything Raymond. Maybe you'll open your eyes and see that. I've always been there for you as much as I could. I saw the real you, the nice person hidden under all that controversy. You've been hurt so many times by other people, and me, and that was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do for you. I don't know why I did those things, perhaps I was pushed way too far. But I did them anyway and I would take them back if I could. You just don't see that. You also can't expect me to send you money when you already owe me a lot. It was nice of you to bring up, but Raymond you do understand that you just broke up with me, after lying to me several times and you expect me to be happy and give you money I don't even have? I only have ten dollars, and I am saving that for expo. If you talk to me, of course I will be bitter and upset. Thats all I CAN be right now. Now if the tables were turned, you would be hurting as much as me. Maybe more. People have also told me that I am way out of your league. Maybe they're right, but I see you as an equal, still. Even though my trust in you is no longer there. Once you pay me off for the ticket, my trust in you will probably be re-established somewhat. It will show me that you're making steps in the right direction. I know you're hurting too, but perhaps for other reasons. Since I doubt you actually miss me or feel bad about breaking my heart. So stop being the Raymond everyone sees you as and be the Raymond I saw you to be.

Posted by: ShaIIow Sun Feb 20, 2005 @ 05:33pm

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PerfectAsIAm
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Commented on: Mon Feb 21, 2005 @ 04:09am


	Amen . . . ? I didn't think I would bring this up, but I'm feeling really crummy right now, so I think I will anyways: Raymond is reminding me more and more of Brandon eek ((That comment speaks for itself where Tina is concerned)) I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, Tina. And I'm not going to tell you not to let it hurt. It hurts. What are you supposed to do about it? I'm not going to tell you to get over him. That's the tough-girl talking. And I'm not a tough-girl. I also have no experience to know how you feel right now. All I'm going to tell you is this: He does not have to control your life: directly or indirectly. You can be yourself no matter what anyone else says or does. And I hope I can help you get through this.

Commented on: Mon Feb 21, 2005 @ 05:41pm


	How am I like Brandon? Christ Melissa just because something happened between Tina and I doesn't mean you can get pissed at me too. You didn't get pissed off at Tina when she and Andrea fought. Whatever though.

Shadow - Dragon
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ShaIIow
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Commented on: Tue Feb 22, 2005 @ 12:56am


	I can't believe I missed this. Hm...

Commented on: Tue Feb 22, 2005 @ 05:48am


	Wow, he posted at me . . . I've thought you was like Brandon long before this whole thing . . . And I don't mean that you do the same things to Tina that Brandon did to me . . I mean that your general mannerisms are like Brandon's 3nodding He would just sit there staring off into space and creep me out. I'd be like " Are you bored? Do you want to do something? Are you hungry? Can I get you something to drink?" And he was all like "Woah. I've never driven that long before." ((all deadpan)). gonk It was kind of creepy to me. ((That was when he first showed up. I happened to be home alone at the time. Though my dad might have been upstairs sleeping. It was later in the evening, and everyone else went with my mom to pick out some movies and get Pizza. Actually, I was talking to you guys on AIM at the time! eek I just remembered that. And I remember telling you all about who he was and everything. At that point in time, I thought he was just dazed and tired from the trip . . .)) Anyway, Raymond's demeaner reminds me of this frequently. AND WHY ARE YOU SWEARING AT ME? I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU!!! I despise the use of swear words. They are so pointless, as most people are inured to their shock value. Can't you come up with something more original? ((This is directed at you Tina, as you already know how I feel about cussing, from way back. shrugs))

PerfectAsIAm
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