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I have no soulmate, no person that could possible love me for who I am, nobody that would like me like that, nobody could like a stupid little girl in a young womans body such as me. I have the rest of my life, growing up and seeing couples together while I have nobody, I have all of that to look forward to. I have always bieng cheated on, and always bieng hated and rejected and unwanted and beaten emotionally to look forward to and I'm sick of it! I CAN'T LIVE THROUGH THAT...THAT...THAT DISSAPOINTMENT...THAT...UNWANTED FEELING! EVERYTIME I TRY TO DO SOMETHING RIGHT IT ALWAYS COMES OUT LIKE THIS...SO...SADDENING...SO UNWANTED. EVERY PERSON THAT SAYS THAT THEY LIKE ME DON'T AND I'M SICK OF IT. I'VE LIVED ALMOST 14 YEARS NOW NOT KNOWING TRUE FRIENDSHIP OR THE TRUE LIKING OF SOMEBODY UNTIL JUST RECENTLY...AND...I NOW KNOW THAT TRUE FRIENDSHIP IS GREAT! BUT...AS FOR THE LIKING, NOBODY DOES LIKE ME AND WHEN THEY SAY THAT THEY DO IT ALWAYS COMES OUT LIKE THIS! I'M SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!! I...want to die...I deserve to die...I need to die...I do...but I'm scared of death...I am truly frightened of death. It's times like this when I truly want to die but can't...then when I get the oppertunity I back away because I am selfish. This world would just be better off without me...better off if I were never born...better off if I were dead or hated by all or even just ignored, but no...it's a bad place because of me...this is all my fault and I know it...I want to cry because of this so badly, but I can't! I want to stay with him, I do...but he doesn't want me...nobody does, so I'll just go through this entire life not knowing what it is like to be truly wanted by somebody...to be truly appreciated in that way...I'll never know what it's like to be held by somebody that can truthfully say I love you and mean it...never know what it's like to cry on somebody's shoulder as they stroke my hair and help me through my problem...never know what it's like to say I love you and have somebody say I love you too and mean it...I'll never know what that's like...NEVER, because nobody wants me. I will forever be an abandoned soul, an unwanted person that is looked at as a freak by all and is ignored. I just...I want somebody that can...that will always be there for me because of ME...and won't cheat on me...won't leave me for somebody else...that actually cares about whether or not I live...and I want this person to think I am one of the most special people in the world...I want to mean the world to somebody, but I never will.
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