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<center> Convension Centerness Happish
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I feel so...good today. Not like overly excessive kinda happy that leave me exhasusted and depressed in a few hours...but just....genienly happy.
I didn't go to school today, I went to the Hyatt Convension Center downtown to present this movie I made in art class. It was that sad poem I made that I let Chris read. I had to hang out with these two other white girls too so at first I was dreading the day. My teacher talked me into going, even though I really didn't want to.
I'm so happy I went. whee It was so uber great! I had so much fun! I used to think I'd be scared to be in a big place with all those people but I felt more alive around all those people than I ever have in a small group of people. To see all those people commuting like that was just so exciting it made me just glow inside this way I haven't felt in a long time.
Everyone loved my poem, it was a teacher convension and lots of teachers were very surprised I wrote such a poem in the 11th grade. I wish I woulda made copies because so many people wanted one crying I...just can't believe I actually wrote something people would dubb 'good'. I'm sensative to critizism about stuff I write 'cause I already think I suck badly, so to hear so many people...congradulate me made me so happy.
The two girls I hung out with weren't bad at all, it was nice to hang with some white girls who were nice to me for once in my life. They're both seniors, so that just added more fun to the situation. Even when we got bored and quiet it was still just fun to watch the other people around us.
I just...liked being there so much, and i hope I get invited to something else like that again. I'd love more free stuff twisted
It has come to my attention I haven't said anything much or at all abotu Onii-san these past few entries. Don't think for a second I'm not thinkin about ya, Chris. Your still always on my mind, and every thought of you sets my heart aflutter. redface I still love ya the same, bro, wink my feelings haven't changed a bit I'm just controlin them more. Like I've been saying though, I try not to be so bent over you 'cause especially this week you said you can't talk much 'cause you have doctors appointments and if I write about you and thne can't talk to you I'll be so sad crying After this week is over, if you say we can talk like 'usual' again then you'll see yourself back in my entries again wink I miss you so much....
RO is all I've been doing. Five levels away from Priestess and with Josh's help I'll be there in no time. I won't make it by this week...I'm confident of that, unless I find a nice tank or something which I probably won't.
Kevin has decided to 'speak' to me again. He still acts weird to me, and I don't understand why and I am afriad to find out.
Josh has a friend named Sann who got him to play RO. Sann's uber cool, and nice like me. We both like helping people and it feels nice to connect to another person on that level, he reminds me alot of Chris....
I have fallen out, screamed, cried, and got pissed over petty s**t and Josh is still by my side. You have any clue how weird that is? Its so alien to me and that makes it scary. When I think of myself, I think of me as a damaged good. I'm straight from the factory defective and have just gotten worse over time. No one wants something as defective as me, from my POV. Josh just...makes me feel diffrent. I yell and scream at him and he gets mad back and stuff, but he just...says things that makes me calm down. I feel loved, wanted, needed, and so secure; other stuff to I can't remmebe rnow 'cause I'm sleepy. I like it when another person acts this way towards me because in this manner he uses, no one else has. If we were IRL I bet we'd be the couple that could be in the middle of screwin and start up a fight, calm down, and then finish screwin xd We both have so many fcked up problems, so much fcked up s**t has happened to us and its just so weird that I would meet such a person. 3nodding
He's got nothin on my Onii-san, though~! whee wink heart 3nodding
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