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Eh. I feel like everyone is sucking out my happiness. Its kinda funny too...

Hopefully I don't have to wait very long for Raymond to log on...hopefully he remembers that we're going to talk...or whatever.

After talking with him on the phone, I felt a little better, I didn't cry for the rest of the night. But today is a new day and its going to be full of crying. I can't help the way I feel, or what I do anymore. I don't see the reason to stop crying, or to really do anything. I'm too scared to even raise my voice. I've been traumitized. My parents are even worried...since I do raise my voice when talking, and now I don't even do s**t.

I just want to be a little happy. Enough to keep me from feeling so empty. I want to watch tv, but when I want to...I can't. But when I do, I feel better. It reminds me of when Raymond first came here to live. It was so much of a shock to me I went weird. So its happening again. It took a little over a month to get over it.

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In Gaia related news, I'm looking for someone who can sell items very well...I mean for about the upper bracket of GEN price. I'm looking to sell some lower letters and maybe some letters in my offer so I can have more to show. I highly doubt I will get them...but whatever...its worth a shot, more sucking of the happiness away from me. Even if its a little online thing that carefully holds whatever shreds of sanity I have left.

All patience, and sanity has been stipped from me. ********, I look dead. Pale, bloodshot, and I haven't had anything to drink since he left, and I haven't been thirsty.

My body rejects food. D:

And its just not because of him leaving either. Its everything that has happened. My body really hurts.

More pain, its good for me.

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