Author's Notes: Wow, now isn't this the random sort of fic. But you
just have to love that, don't you? Especially when it's coming from
me. This, this is a story of shoujo-ai, and is femgymshipping in
nature. Which means that Erika likes Natsume, and hopefully Natsume
will feel the same for Erika. Do we all have that now? It's not too
fluffy and it's not particularly angsty though I suppose there's more
angst than the other. And yet it merely exists, and I am quite happy
with that.
Names: Natsume (Sabrina), Tamamushi (Celadon)
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I don't feel like it's night, and yet the sky is far too dark for it
to still be day. The sun is sinking slowly towards the horizon,
breaths away from being swallowed hole. It burns the western sky
brightly with orange fire, and it paints the grey clouds a mixed soft
shade of magenta and violet.
It's breathtaking, it's beautiful.
She'll be here soon.
I... I hope she'll be here soon.
It's going to be night soon, and Tamamushi will light with white and
yellow lights to ward off the darkness of the other half of the day.
And she will come to me, and she will give me a chance to speak, and
hopefully she'll leave my heart in one piece,
I shouldn't go through with this. I should... I should bide my time. I
shouldn't rush into something that could leave me broken and torn...
But I love her too much to not say a thing. And perhaps, just maybe,
if I believe enough in miracles, then she'll love me too.
Worried, I fretfully pull at the blossoms of a dark red rose I hold in
my hands. Standing where I am in the middle of the central park in
Tamamushi, greenery spreads out from me on all sides.
Below my feet, a sturdy bridge stands, and further beneath a stream
trickles by. I pluck a petal away, holding it's velvet softness
against the warmth of my flesh, and then let it drop down towards the
silver of the water below.
It's caught and held securely, and bobs out of my line of sight. With
a deep sigh, I toy with the blossom of the flower again, plucking
another again and tearing my skin upon a thorn.
With a wince, I hold my hand up. The lights flicker on around me, and
a drop of crimson rolls down my pale skin. I bend my lips to it, and
suck the blood away.
The sound of a thud alerts me to her presence.
I turn slowly, holding my finger still to the mouth. She's beautiful
in the ambient light, breathtaking. She makes my heart beat rapidly,
achingly so. Her hair, so long and dark, green and glowing in the
softness of the night.
"Natsume," I whisper in greeting, letting my hand fall from my lips.
She regards me quietly, and then bows her head. "Erika..."
"It is... good to see you," I say to her, tipping my head slightly to
the side. Suddenly, it's all so very worth it. Closing the Gym early,
waiting for her to appear. "I... I've missed you."
She smiles faintly, a flash of emotion on her coloured cheeks. "It's
good to see you too."
My chest swells with pride, and I take a step towards her. The cut of
her skirt reaches just to her knees, trimmed with something softer and
grey. The black meshes so well with the fairness of her skin, and her
top is so vivid and red. It lights up the blue of her eyes. The long,
tight fitting sweater lifts and falls with the ebb and flow of her
breath.
"Natsume, I..." I want to kiss you. I want you to kiss me. I... I want
to ask you to kiss me, Natsume, but I just don't know how to put it
into words. "I..."
I stop, wordless. My throat constricts, and the rose drops from my
hand as I kneed my hands with worry.
"Erika..."
I take a deep breath. "There was so much I wanted to tell you, and yet
here I am, not knowing what to say first."
"Why don't you ask me to kiss you, then," she replies softly, and my
eyes widen as I stare at her in shock.
"Natsume..."
She steps towards me, the click of her low boots sharp in the night
air. She lifts her hand up and touches my cheek, her fingers meshing
with the curve of the bone.
"Isn't that what you want to ask me, Erika?" she asks faintly, and I
feel weak in the knees.
"Natsume..." I plead, letting my lids drop shut as my head tilts to
the side. The next thing I'm aware of, is the softness of her lips
upon my own. Like flower petals, so sweet and addicting.
Her tongue probes my mouth, a soft sweet kiss that grows. Like
drinking from a fountain of ambrosia. I could grow delirious upon the
honeyed sweetness of her kiss.
Weakly, I reach up and hold onto the soft fabric of her sweater. I
want to fall into her, I never ever want to let go. I could fall into
a million pieces right now, the world would end, but nothing would
matter.
Nothing at all.
I feel tears stinging at my eyes, as our mouths become two separate
entities all over again. "Natsume," I whisper hoarsely, leaning into
her as her arms slide around my waist.
This is too perfect...
Too good to be true.
I rest my head on her shoulder, and she soothes a hand through my
short hair. "I love you, Natsume. I... I love you so much, Natsume.
She kisses my temple, her lips feather light upon my skin. "Then tell
me where it matters, Erika. Tell me were it matters."
"What?" I demand, lifting my head and my gaze to meet her own. She
looks so sad, and runs a hand down my cheek as my vision begins to
blur. In an instant, she's gone. I drop to my knees on the bridge and
bury my face in my hands, sobbing as I feel the world fall in around
me...
... I wake with a gasp, sitting up in bed. My heart pounds in my
chest, and sweat sticks the light fabric of my night dress to my skin.
I feel tears slip down my cheeks, and I pull my knees up against me
tightly, holding onto them with my arms as I rock and sob and the
world fades out around me.
All that matters is this pain, and this cowardice that holds me back.
"I'm so sorry, Natsume. So sorry..." I sob into the darkness of my
room.
All my dreams seem to fade out, like the paper flowers I used to make
myself as a child. I'd busy myself with them, but in the end they were
insubstantial and would end up falling apart.
And that's just what this is... a paper flower that's destined to be
torn apart.
I close my eyes, and lie upon the bed balled in on myself, and will
sleep to come again.
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