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First In Character Entry EVER |
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..so don't knock it. ^.^
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*Lunari crawls back under the covers, secure in Derrin's ananta. Her eyes dart over to the forms of her sleeping children as a slight smile tugs at her lips. However, as she spots the picture of Derrin and herself on their wedding day, her expression changes to bitter sorrow. As the tears well up in her eyes, she turns away, opening the top drawer of the nightstand. Sitting up, she takes out the small book, its surface as hard and smooth as polished ivory. A matching pen finds itself in her hand as she opens to the first, blank page and scrawls in small, hurried letters*
I've never been one for keeping a journal or a diary, but I need to let this out somehow. I would talk to him, but he's been avoiding me I think.. and her scent was..
*She twitches slightly, scrawling out those first lines with a thin X. Starting over, she does this more traditionally. Perhaps a soundboard for her questions would be more appropriate*
Dear Journal, or whatever this thing is:
I have a problem. A big problem. Several, really. It's.. Derrin. I love him so very much. He married me, he gave me two beautiful children. He promised his eternal love to me.. and yet.. it seems to be fading. He's been drinking a lot lately. I worry about that. No, not party drinking. Just drinking, like he's trying to drown something out. And I think I know what... or who...
*Lunari swallows the lump in her throat, her ears laid back as she continues to write*
It's her again. Rori. I never really got to know her, but she seemed nice enough. And now.. something has changed. I don't know what it is, but it's eating Derrin alive. Maybe more than it should. I don't know. Am I jealous that he cares so much for this woman? It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't stay out all the time.. and then come home bearing her scent..
*Her hand clenches the pen until her knuckles turn white, a lump forming in her throat yet again. Tears slowly sting her eyes, flowing down her cheeks onto the paper as she writes her next thoughts..*
He'd never cheat on me, would he? I mean.. I'd like to think.. Oh hell, he loves her. Derrin is in fecking love with her. You know what he did a few nights ago? We were in bed, he had fallen asleep before I. His arms moved around me, and he was nuzzling my cheek.. and then he said it. Her name. He held me and called out for her.
*Tears flow freely now, as Lunari sobs quietly. She sniffles a bit, wiping her eyes as Sekhmet stirs in her sleep. "Shh... it's okay little one..." As her daughter rests again, Lunari continues writing*
I wonder if maybe it was no accident, the way I lost control again. I had it suppressed, the deadly urges within me had been under control for quite a while.. Maybe I target those who hurt me. First, Aku-- when he left, I ran to the only one I knew would love me, and the one I loved as well-- Derrin. Come to think of it, when Derrin hurt me, I attacked him too. And that child, Rori's little one. Wasn't she my next target? Then Shadow.. and then Rori.. I'm starting to think that maybe something else is within me, a dark hateful part of me that acts out the things my subconscious should be suppressing.
*Lunari smiles bitterly as she scrawls these next words*
However, it's a shame that I stopped myself. If I had taken care of Rori, I wouldn't be losing Derrin... I just want him back. The old Derrin. Not this whipped, empty shell of a man that was once my husband. Does he even love me anymore? Does he love Sekhmet? Does he even realize Apophis exists? Maybe I'm to blame.. Maybe he thinks I'm not good enough to be his wife. But Rori's taken too, right? Does she even know what she's putting him through? Or me, for that matter. Not her fault, I know.. but I can't help being jealous. No woman will ever, EVER take him from me and live..
*Closing her eyes, she sets the book back in the drawer, shutting it. She now cries bitterly, horrid thoughts crossing her mind. What the hell was wrong with her? Why this, why now?*
FOR ******** SAKE DERRIN, WE HAVE KIDS!!!
*Lunari screams and throws the pen against the wall. Sekhmet rouses from her sleep, whimpering and starting to cry, whilst Apophis sits up and stares at his mother with a vacant expression. Moving to her children, Lunari scoops them both up in her arms and holds them tightly, ducking her head so they can't see her cry*
Shh.. it's okay dears.. Mommy's okay.. shh.. come on, let's all go to sleep..
 Lunari · Sat Jan 22, 2005 @ 01:14am · 1 Comments |
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