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(( Well this week has sucked beyond all reason!!! No power, heat, water, or electricty for 5 ******** DAYS!!!!! I finnally got it back yesterday night and now there's more snow coming. My one friend was snowed in as well. I was in my home town for a day and wanted to see my good friends, and I even call a day earier to see if I could stop over. All I wanted was to visit, mabey for a couple of hours, mabey even 5 minute if they were gonna do something on the spot. BUT NO! I couldn't visit at all. This sucks!!!! I've been pushed around, kicked, worked my a** off, and when I wanna visit, just for 5 minutes, I get stiffed!! Now my friend Kris said it was alright if I could visit, and I even called thier mom to see if it was okay as well. UGH!!!! Mabey I should drag Allison up here, let her sit in the dark for five days, freeze, and shut off all other contact with another person and see how she fairs!!! The hell!!! If I'm a pain in the a** to her, she should tell me. But I'm pissed now. Never the ******** again. I haven't seen her in a month and I haven't seen Kris is a very long while. I Wanted to see them yesterday, but if Allison has to be pissed at me, then that's alright with me. But never the ******** again. Yet I still send up a prayer to God that they live happily. God bless you Kris and Allison. Hope you live okay. I even tried to comfort Allison when her boyfriend died. I felt extreamly sorry for her cause she said she was very depressed. Now there's snow falling again and I have to pray that my water doesn't freeze or we'll be in deep s**t. There is no amout of number that will describe how happy I am for Kris and Allison. They have::

1. A connected family life.
2. very short power outages and never have to worry.
3. Friends at close ranges.
4. A good sturdy house.
5. They're sisters
6. Boyfriends

I can't imagion them loseing any of that. I wish I was there and not here. No friends in this city. Snow. No water or heat. The trees that could crush our house in a instant if the fall toward it. Getting yelled at for things that went wrong that I didn't even do. Always feeling angery. Always feeling that you're not good enough even though your parent and siblings say you can. I know I can but there is something about me I can't place a finger on. I love my family, I love myself,I love this earth, but I trust no one. Mabey I need to stay away from people. Mabey I need to open up more. These are questions that everybody asks yet no one finds the answers. Can I make something of myself? Will I live to see tomorrow? WIll I live to see the next minute? What happens to us if we should fall asleep and not wake up? Not wake up to find our family, friends, and world waiting for us? Well I've thought about these questions. I've decided to help the world every day as if I would not see the tomorrow. Plant a tree. Help a cat or dog. Pick up litter. And always smile. I think of it as " Hell, if I won't see the tomorrow, I might as well help the today and hope for a better tomorrow." You never know what the world will throw at you. In a instant something could hit you so fast that you never see what happened to you. I've excepted this and live by it. For if you fear it, it will come faster then you expect and you'll live your life, however long it is, in a cornor of the room, with a gun in your hand and nothing to save you. SO except it, and your days will look brighter.

But this is something for you to consider for yourself. As the once great Morphous said." I can only show you the door. It is you that must open it."

))