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<center> Bad Sleepy Time
The entry I made when the journals were down
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Sunday, 09 January, 2005
10:37:08 PM
::sigh:: I can't think straight.
I'm nervous and my stomach hurts, nothing good is on TV. I'm thirsty but no matter how much I drink I'm still thirsty.
My german two project kicks arse. Friggin rocks, I'm proud of it. I give my chem presentation tommrow or the day after. I started work on my lit project too, just character details and some story ideas. I like it so far.
I feel so sick to my stomach...
No one really seems to want to talk to me anymore. Kevin works now, so I wonder if thats why. But sometimes I think...he just doesn't want to be bothered with me.
I can't sleep....I'm so nervous. I don't know why, I'm so damn worried about something that I cant pinpoint. Its nto the project or anything like that...
Slasher is to busy to talk to me, and Sephy schedules me in when he can. Onii-san's computer ish broke. Kevin doesnt' seem to want to be bothered. Silent can only get on every once in a while. School has me not on RO as much as I want to be. My damn aco can't friggin level. I'm disgusted with myself for a reason I refuse to disclose here.
I want a hug...I want to lay on my tummy and have someone stroke my back while I just relax...in a relaxing kind of scene, though. Someplace quiet and serene, no music just listening to the sounds around us...for some reason when I think of this, I think ah that beach Onii-san talks about. That would be nice.
My eyes wanna close and rest but when I lay down I just can't sleep.
I really really want to lay down next to someone right now. Not like sex like, but just to lay down and just relax closely to a guy.
There was this really cute guy who used to work on my mom's car, I swear I had such a cute crush on him~! He was so...drooling kinda cute. Pretty brown skin, deep brown eyes, long braided hair, a nice body build~so dreamy~~~~~. He coulda had any girl in the friggin world he wanted, he had his own buisness, money, and he was intelligent. On the news, last week, a little girl who was just five years old went missing. An Amber alert was called into affect to find her...they tested the bodys of everyone who knew the girl. When they tested my dreamboat guy his...private area had traces of the little girls saliva on it. He confessed a few days ago to raping the girl...her dad has something to do with it as well. Its so...scary....I mean, he was around my little sister. See...my moms car broke and she needed a way to get my siblings to school. He offered to drive my sister to and from school everyday...thank god my mom got the car fixed before we had to rely on him. I wouldn't know how to handle it if something like that happened to my sister. I just keep thinking...like...he was so cute, he had everything going for him (or so i thought), and like...he hurt a little girl like that. Some innocent kid who didnt' deserve to have suchj a bad thing happen to her. I think back to when my dad raped me and like...I just wanna cry. The things that were going through her head and now she's dead somewhere and he won't tell the police where becayse he needs something to plea on to get our of the death penalty. Its like....I knew him and like....he never looked like the scary kinda perv who would do somethin like that. He looked like the normal 'hood' boys from around my neighborhood; those ones who I call cute but would never do anything with. And he liek....he did that....my mom keeps talking about it and it makes me feel so bad. One of my cousins was tryin to talk to him, she's really pretty and young too (but older than me) and like he wasn't even intrested and I think like...I think so many bad things...
Shadow. Teh~I talked ot him again. The kid actually thinks I'm hung up over him. Oh yea, I was; as in past tense. As in now it is (or rather, was) whatever. I mean, I was finally over him and then we talk all night...and I start to enjoy myself again and then he disappears. He said though, we aren't friends he is still 'thinking about ti'. He made up some lies and now all the people we knew in common hate me, he needs the attention I guess though. Now that the attention is gone he returns to me abotu how much he misses me. See, I know why he hasn't talked to me. stare He asked for naked pic's of me and I said no~after taht he got all...weird on me. I said no 'cause I an a good girlfrind now, he thought I was single again, when I said no on the grounds I will be good now he asked why I was back with Kevin. I asked I was just sad which was making me cut myself again and needed to feel wanted by someone because I was to pathetic to care for myself. When I said that he...he like said he was pathetic for being sad and wanting me back and then I got disconnected from AOL. When I got back on he said "Oh, so I guess your mad at me. I don't care. Bye". I was....annoyed. >.> He thinks I'm hung up over him
I miss Onii-san so much. I dunno why...I do though ::sigh:: Ish miss him sooooo much....::sigh:: sad
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