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My life has just turned up side down i was just rimicning about the past.. god my head feels like its going to explode. I cant see strait... Ive been thinking about cutting but something has always brought me back. Its really starting to sound like a good idea but.. i dont want to loose all my friends for it.. Well i wonder what it feels like to be loved and to find your soul mate.. Ive been single about 2 and a half months if not more... Well i sure do feel lonely.. well atleast i wont get my heart broken.. I think im going to do what haku is doing about to give up on love.... That sounds really really good... SHITTAMA i swear i should have listened to my cusins words when he said being a teen ager is going to be living hell.. hell im 14 nad im going thro living hell...
example:
kris (1st bf i love him but hate him): worthless worm..
ME: (in my mind) you ******** b*****d you just made me want to cut like 50 x more hell your inpact on me is huge you where my first bf i cant get over you....

another

Mandy : (ex friend ex boyfriends ex gf... Long story) I HATE YOU CAUSE YOU GOTH.. GOTHS ARE STUPID...
Me: (******** THIS GODDAMN s**t) ******** YOU b***h I DONT NEED A FRIEND WHO DOESNT ACPPECT ME FOR WHO I AM....

Bryan (current ex.. found out i still had feelings for) YOUR NOT AGOOD FRIEND
Me: (holy s**t) ******** IT IM GOING TO CUTT I SWEAR TO ******** ONE MORE THING HAPPENS....


currently now nothing is happing but i swear if something does happen.. I AM GOING TO SNAP.. i dont need to snap cause i got court this end of this month.. I AM GOING INSANE AND PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTNAD HOW I ******** FEEL.... DAMNIT... HELL I ALMOST CUT MY SELF TODAY.... I WAS LIKE 2 INCHES AWAY FROM IT I FOUND A KNIFE AND EVERYTHING.. I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE... MY FAMILY HATE ME MY FRIENDS ARE LEAVING ME.. AND I AM SCARED... YES I SAID I WAS SCAREDD...... I SWEAR TO GOD HELP ME PLEASE I DONT WANNA DIE BUT DAMNIT IM GONNA TRY I KNOW IF I TIRED WHEN I WAS 12 WTF MAKES YOU THINK I WONT NOW....

BUT I AM NOT GOING TO DO IT....... I WILL LET YOU ALL KILL ME SLOWLY I AM SCARED TO KILL MYSELF SO IM NOT GOIN TO DO IT