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I dont know how to explain my feelings, Im torn between conflicting arguments in my mind.

I feel an struggle to push back an push away sadness, depair and many negative things on my mind.

"I think to much" I say often an thats the realizations in my thoughs I have to fight against. Imagine if you will the idea that your Life was just a negative outcome of your parents trying to not fall apart after they got married? Yeah, but only one of my thoughts in my head...

Then another "My Sisters birth should have been my Mothers 1st child" if she had been born I would have NEVER needed to be born an my parents could have had a different Life?

Then.. "If my Sister was born" I would have never worried ever, as Id have NEVER exsisted...I would never been ignored by my Father....I would never had such S***y Health Concerns...I think to much.

I need A Hug.