As of last Friday, my sister and her fiance left. It feels more homely now. I have cleared out their old space, thrown out their bed and all the trash left behind. I have kept many items they left behind that they didn't want and packed a box of their stuff I know I can't get rid of or keep due to the items importance like dog ashes and pictures and bank information. I've spent the past few weeks trying to create a routine for myself again.
I feel like I can breathe easier. I went to the doctor and they used my name and pronouns. I am incredibly grateful for this. I talked to my mom about how important that is, to call me by my name and pronouns. She slips up a lot, but tries her best in public. Many trans people do this thing where their birthname or at least a shortened version becomes a nickname for family members, which I understand. I don't know if I'll do that because my name is so closely related to family I never met and the bible. I'm meeting people and making friends in the trans community. Even though we don't have many things in common, I can still make friends in a different community and its different.
My plans for December and October are going well. I have an orgy planned with friends from a year ago for October and i'll get to go to Vegas. Amazing how this is going to be something I'll get to do if they can afford my plane ticket. December plans are nuts and I'm really excited about it all. Vlogging, 3 videos to film at the convention (Holiday Matsuri), I get to room with friends for free and have a room party with them, drinking. My partner is going with me and I'll get to cosplay with them. My mom is taking us and she's going to room with us too, so ROAD TRIP. I'm so incredibly grateful for these opportunities in my life and the luck I have right now is amazing. I can never feel so good like I do now and I'm going to take any good feelings as I can get.
Currently, my classes are getting fun, and I'm hoping the math class I have either next month or the month after will offer something I can learn instead of headaches. I was never good at math so maybe I'll pass with a C if I get someone to help me.
My ex, James, talked to me the other day. It was odd as f**k for him to do that. I didn't know why but he said he wanted to get over everything that happened. As long as he doesn't think of me as an abusive liar I'm fine.
Yuurivoice, a friend I used to have, has been living it up. He's happy but I'm not. I just want to know he's not angry with me. I want him to tell people the truth about why I quit the discord server. He spread lies about why I left and people think I'm a greedy b***h. Not true. It eats me up sometimes, I sit here in my chair or in my bed feeling anxious and nearly having anxiety attacks when his name shows up on tumblr or I see his face on FB.
Bed bug situation should be dealt with by next week. Hopefully I can actually feel good about being home and I can clean and get settled again without 2 demons and bed bugs. I just want to be comfortable sleeping and walking around barefoot again.
That's the update for now.
 Canis Baileyi Lupus · Tue Aug 22, 2017 @ 05:57pm · 0 Comments |
