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I am very confused on what to feel. I really can't say I "love" someone after how that guy treated me a little over a year ago. Plus, I can't seem to have a straight thought. I am smoking cigarettes now. I probably already went through 12 packs already and its not even a month and a half into 2017. One positive though is I was accepted as a Channel Kindness reporter for the Born This Way Foundation. Maybe it's a start of a new journey. Plus they are paying for travel to New York City for a channel kindness event. So that can most likely lift up spirits. I keep telling myself everything is going to be okay because I'm back to living in an unfinished home. I still feel like an outcast but maybe some time will make everything feel better.