Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Imagine that something awkward goes down between you and an irl friend, and you can't look at each other anymore and you don't want to talk to them for fear of their response, but at the same time you really want to talk to them again, to patch things up and start over. Or say they owe you something and since you kept pushing for it, they won't talk to you and still haven't given you wait they owe, which leaves you hanging on the end of a crumbling and awkward friendship.

So then you both dodge the entire situation. They don't want to deal with you ragging on them, you don't want to deal with the disappointment of being ignored. And this situation is so much more common on the internet, perhaps most people just shrug it off and move on, but when I ask for a favor from one of you lovelies, I'm putting so much more trust in you then I would in someone irl. But then, when I get let down, when I get disappointed, it hits harder. And when I see one of you lovelies in the forums or towns that let me down, I get nervous and scared. I want to talk to you, to try and mend things or at least finish off the deal, but then I don't because I don't want to impose on your happiness, your right to move on with your life.

Then I begin an internal battle, do I say something? Do I push for what I wanted? Or do I back down? Do I swallow the bitterness and get over it? Subsequently shutting myself off to yet another person and feeling a foolish sense of loss.

But I hardly ever say anything. That's just the internet for you. You are so much more free to speak your mind and be yourself, yet I shut down faster on the internet, I take hits harder and I can't brush them off as easily. Maybe it's because I grew up on the internet, maybe it's because I put so much stock into words, and when they're written, they're more permanent. You can't forget what's written when it will always be there somewhere on the internet.