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There's honestly not much to me, except that I did a horrible thing and I hurt someone I ended up getting too attached to. I owe that person an apology but that's not gonna happen because I'm never talking to that person again. Leaving her/him was the worst thing to happen to me... but the best thing to ever happen to her/him. This is not a romantic tragedy. I seriously hurt someone with lies and that was the stupidest shite I could have done. Either way, it's a long story and it's none of your business. In all cases, I hope that person is doing well now and more specifically, happy and healthy.

if that person ever happens to stumble upon this,... I'm sorry to this very day.

I still think about you. Every night I remember how we used to talk. The little things you said or the little things you did. What started as an act, became a way of living. A way that I was very comfortable with. You were never a toy and I swear I never saw you like that. You were so much more to me. You started out as a stranger, and that's how it should've stayed, but slowly you became my best friend. Talking to you was no longer a hobby but a necessity. I felt sad, I felt happy, I cried, I laughed, I told you my secrets and told you lies. When I think about it I can't stop thinking how different things would have been if I had been honest with you from the start. You'll never believe me and I can't blame you. I wouldn't believe myself either, but when I say and said that I cared about you, I wasn't lying. 'Till this very day, even if you hate me, I pray for you. There are no words to describe or express how sorry I am. My conscience won't let me be. Last thing I want is to beg for your forgiveness. Even I know that that is unconceivable. You are special to me. Things didn't go very well for us.

The songs that I once enjoyed have turned into a constant reminder. Hopefully you know them very well. I can no longer listen to "Do I wanna know?" or "Why you only call me when you're high?" without memories of you flowing into my head. Funny how a line of the song goes, "...there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow..." and it makes me think precisely of you. So many times have I woken up at night, wondering how are you doing. Are you happy? Are you healthy? Leaving your life was the worst thing to happen to me...., but the best thing that could've happen to you. I'm selfish for wanting to be back and for keeping memories of you. Don't worry though, I don't plan on trying to come back. Writing is the only way I can express these feelings and thoughts, and yet it seems I'm not doing a very good job on it.

If you were still in my contacts, I'd leave you multiple text messages and missed calls. It would be 3 in the morning and I'd be trying to change your mind..... Now every time it's 3 in the morning it is me trying to change my mind and try to forget you. I'm always left wondering at night, "What went wrong?" I guess I should've told you before we met, I'm a scumbag, don't you know? I said I'm a scumbag, don't you know?

All I have to offer now is a lonely apology and a sad end. I don't ever want to hate you, although temptation greets you like a naughty mate.

...If you ever found this, it's probably too late. Clinically cynical, hereditary hate. I'm frightened that honesty isn't enough.... Every time I try and forget you something, perhaps the cruelty of fate, has me looking towards a drawing or just listening to a tune that reminds me of you. I had to clean my phone because half the pictures were memories of you. I miss our daily and nocturnal talks. Even the fights we had, because they were silly at first. Now would you look at me? Half-way done through my career, bright future ahead of me and yet the only thing I still think about is you. If you ever wondered how I ever truly felt about you then here it is. Lame Arctic Monkey's songs references and a not well expressed piece of heart of mine.

Your name brings dear memories to me but also cruel ones. This is my punishment and I will take it. After all this all I can say is, what did you expect? I probably still adore you with your hands around my neck. Or I did last time I check...

If you see this, I'm glad but let us pretend you didn't because at the sight of your name I know I'll go insane.