Hey. I'm sorry I couldn't type yesterday. Whenever I typed in the site it took like 4 tries to get here and then it took 5 minutes to load anything actually on the site. Anyway, it's friday and Ive decided to go to the movies. I don't know what's up with me...normally I would just jump at the oppurtunity to get out of the house. Today we went to the high school and the more I think about it, the closer 8th grade graduation seems to be. My momma keeps on saying that I was made for high school but, I have just gotten used to middle school and I like it now. I know where I fit and everything. When I go the high school, it'll be a whole other building with whole new people and all new teachers to get used to. Not to mention my mom keeps breathing down my neck about getting an honor's diploma so that I have a better chance of getting into a collage and getting a scholarship. I DON'T WANT TO WORRY ABOUT IT! It used to seem so far away and the more I keep thinking the closer it seems. 4 years isn't that long of a time. It feels like 4 years ago was yesterday. It feels like I just got out of elementary and now Ill be going to high school! And the more my mom keeps mentioning collage and grades the more worried I get. I'm not smart! I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT! She has this notion in her head that I'm smarter than everyone, yeah, in the first grade! She thinks that because of all the IQ tests the school has me take makes me smart. No. They don't. It just means I can work my way around a test. I can problem solve and that's it. She also thinks I'm so aware of myself. I'm not that either! I just don't agree with what everybody else does, that makes me different, not self-aware. I'm still looking, which makes me even more afraid. Everyone in high school has it figured out. They know what's what and who they are. I still don't even know what my favorite color is! I'm so confused. I should want to go to high school. I should love the concept of more freedom. I should. But I don't. What's wrong with me?
 lunastella · Fri May 12, 2006 @ 10:15pm · 0 Comments |
