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Chris's mom is being okay now and isn't flipping on me and him anymore. But it isn't fun to talk to him anymore because I don't know what I am and not allowed to say.

Kevin is being alright I guess; a bit whiny, but thats to be expected.

I havn't been sleeping much lately, and I think I have the flu.

The main reason I decided to post here today, is to speak of the results of the essay. I lost. It hurts like hell, I was hoping to win to make sure we all had a good Christmas but I failed misreably. I lost to a bunch of girls who are higher up in society and don't even need the money. Just some quick cash they can waste at the mall. It's not fair...

I tried so hard on my essay. I put every bit of me into it...and I lost. To those girls...those stupid girls....

Not to be racist or anything, but all three were white girls. That makes me feel worse. I'm biracial, and for that many times in my life the people of 'pure' blood (or who atleast looked the part), were and still are chosen over me in many things. I'm not saying this is why I lost, hell, maybe my essay just wasn't good enough; I'm sayign this jsut makes me think back to that.

Charles (that senior in my school) isn't cool to me anymore. I regret the times I do have to speak with him, he was much cooler last year~its always nice to talk to a fellow half breed, but just like everyone else he changed too. He hangs with those wannabe punk kids in my school, and they changed him much. I jsut wanted to comment on that here.

I hate society now.

I hate my life as well.

I was really going to do some good with that money, and I failed. I'm such a bad person...

My friend conned me into going to a party with her tonight. There will be drinkin, smoking, sex and all...I think I will join in on it.

Nothin to live for anyway...