I can finally say it:
I quit that damn sorry job today.
And tomorrow I start my new one, so no harm and no foul. My new manager already knows what was going on at the place I just quit and she agreed that no one should have to deal with that s**t. She's really cool and I just hope there are no nasty surprises in store for me now that I have finally gotten hired there. After the past six years of s**t at my old job and the past two months of sheer nerve-wracking hell I am a little jaded and burnt on trusting my work to not be a field of landmines. I went into the past mess with such high hopes and they were dashed so quickly and so soundly I am still walking around with shell shock.
Two months exactly. I lasted exactly two months at that shitty place. Just thinking about today makes me feel awesome all over again: I went and got some stuff for two of the other girls for lunch (because I felt I owed them that much, it was and is not their fault that the manager is a horrid bridge troll), brought their stuff back and left my key on the break table after not being able to find said bridge troll before leaving out with my stuff.
I stopped on the way out at the pet shop and got Copper some new toys and then headed home for a great afternoon of knowing that place is firmly behind me. There may be some potentially awkward moments when I have to pass the two places on my way around the mall (or if I pass any of the workers on the way through the mall) but I don't regret this afternoon and feel good in my stomach for the first time in a long time. I knew going into it that it was a mistake (my reaction to the second interview was a tremendously red flag) but I simply could not stay where I was at any longer so I knew I had to make the jump. It's like knowing the building you are in is on fire so you have to make the jump but at the bottom of a long drop is nothing but sharpened stakes. Either way you are screwed and there is going to be pain but you have to move in order for there to be any chance at all you walk away.
I was just starting to get used to the new place, too. I had started closing by myself and could mostly (mostly) do stuff on my own but one of the reasons the job filled me with such anxiety was that I still was not fully trained before I was let loose. There was still so much coming at me that I had no idea how to deal with; my new job has a much smaller learning curve (the product I know well, there's not much more for me to learn other then the ins and outs of this particular company and it is a much smaller workload) and I feel much, much, much, MUCH more confident going in than I did at the other place. It's nice to be moving on to a new learning experience, on to some new adventures and kicking a** in a new environment.
I still can't believe how the job came to ME. The manager asked ME to come work for HER. I have never had that happen before. I just went in to pick something up and the manager pulled me to a quiet spot and asked me if I was willing to be stolen away and before she was even done I blurted out, "Please, please, please get me out of there." It felt beyond good to feel wanted and appreciated. It felt nice to not be bullied, put down or demeaned. Since when did the way to manage others become being a total b***h and being a pissy bully? A good leader does not go out of their way to demotivate and hurt their people. The past two managers I have had the displeasure of being stuck with have went out of their way to make the people they did not like miserable. Unless you were manager's pet you got the short (sharp) end of the stick and I have never been good with kissing a**, falling into line and playing nice with people who think they can treat people any which way and still be respected. Sorry, I just don't have the genes for a brown nose. I am not perfect by any means but I will only put up with so much before I will walk. I don't put up with a lot of s**t in my personal relationships, why the hell would I put up with mistreatment at a job?
I am looking forward to a break from management, too, if I may be so honest. It's been years since all I had to do was come in, do my job and go the hell home. I have been The One The Manager Depends On NO MATTER WHAT for years and it has led me down some rough roads and made work far more tense for me then I can express, especially since my last two managers are perfect horrid examples of why women struggle to get respect in a professional manner. It's hard to make the argument we all aren't ******** crazy when I see the way others act over nothing. All it takes is one meltdown over hair and makeup and the rest of us with common sense just have to throw up our hands and start all over again. Seriously, since when did "coming to work" mean "bring in all your family/personal/lack-of-relationship drama and take it out on others"? Nowhere in my job description does it stay "Take a mental and emotional a**-kicking every shift because someone is mad that you are married and they are not; have self-esteem battered because you refuse to act like them and oh, yeah, how well you do your work doesn't really matter, it is all about how much a** you can kiss."
I know because I checked and double-checked to be on the safe side. Take that crap to your therapist or mommy. I am neither of those things and would disown you if I were.
*Takes a deep breath* So, yeah. Here's to hoping I can finally settle down and just...stop wanting to die before heading into work. The past six years have just been...tiring. So very exhausting. Maybe if so many other things had not been going on I could have dealt better with work (and vice versa) but as it has been I just feel like I have been barely keeping my head up so that I could get one big breath before another huge wave came along.
I have been striving more and more desperately as time has passed for a way to get my stress levels under some kind of sane control. I am working on eating better (easy for me because I actually LIKE healthy food, I just happen to like some junk, too), getting more sleep and my infamous caffeine fetish addiction has been dealt with. I miss the stuff and get the occasional headache (though I admit to treating myself every now and again but the point was to get away from NEEDING the crap to get anything at all done, not cut it out completely) but since I can see how much better I feel without it (and sleep is so much more delicious without it. @.@ I seriously cannot describe it- only another reformed caffeine junkie can know what I am talking about.) it is easy to steer clear of it. There's nothing wrong with the occasional treat but the levels I was hitting was just insane. It's like I was trying to see if I could land on a Death By Caffeine world record.
So what now? Now I am going to spend a few hours reacquainting myself with Gaia; been away for far too long and I have a backlog of messages, announcements, threads, alerts and general odds and ends to re-familiarize myself with before I feel like I have a hold on what all I have been missing.
I truly do love this site and the people on it. For a very long time I have pretty much just focused on building the wall and burning bridges because doing anything to reach out took too much energy and always turned out to do more harm than good but Gaia has always been the garden I refused to close off completely and the place I always come back to. This and this alone feels like home.
I also want to enjoy the event (because Flare is all kinds of
about Halloweeb! All kinds of s**t was lost when I saw Sasha!) and see what kind of schedule I am going to have before I start making any kind of promise about any of my RPs. I am beyond sorry, guys; I am sure by now some of you have completely moved on and I understand, but those who stay with me (and who have stayed with me in the past through all of this) I promise to do my best in making it worth your while. If there is a silver lining to my having taken a "break" from our stories as long as I have than it is simply that I have a backlog of ideas and characters, events and situations I am absolutely too excited to sit still about. For me, RPing = writing = the bread and butter of my existence. It's a calling I heard in the womb.That's just my little dollop of wonderful, lovely news. heart Hopefully this means I can get back to blasting you guys with some posts and finally, finally shift my attention back to things that matter to me instead of just running around putting out other people's fires. xD
Though I am terrified of my Inbox currently...
O.O
But I conquered this beast many times before and can do it again!
TLDR; You guys are awesome and I am happy to have you guys in my life! heart
