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I woke up this morning from a terrible dream and just wanted to cry. It wasn't the SHAKE YOU UP ALL DAY kind of dream or anything so terrifying that I want to curl into a ball but it was still upsetting to ME.

My dream started with volleyball stuff and that was all okay. I don't remember most of it because my dream made a switch somewhere in the middle. Most volleyball dreams are the same but when it changed, it didn't go into school. It may have for a moment but the larger dream it moved into... was a wedding.

I dreamt of a ******** wedding.

This wasn't just any wedding, it was extremely lush and extravagant. The whole time I felt like a celebrity or like I was marrying into someone extremely wealthy. However, there was also this feeling like the wedding was rushed and I had been only half aware of the planning. I woke up mentally halfway through the wedding and realized I had no planned any of it the way I wanted it. I started to freak out that my wedding dress would not be something that I had wanted because, I DO have something in mind when I get married. My mother and mother in law freak out cause they don't want me to cut up the wedding dress or alter it since it was so expensive, and I assume they planned it out.

I rush into the dressing area where all the bridesmaids are and stare at the dresses around me. I never picked any of the dresses. Then I fainted. I didn't go unconscious but I dropped to the floor and everyone rushed around me. As I slowly tried to recuperate, I got a look at the bridesmaids as they walked out. The bridesmaids dresses were these ugly polka dotted tight a** things. I don't even think I knew the bridesmaids but I said that they were "alright, I guess." My heart dropped looking at them. What the hell was going on?! It donned on me that this was not my wedding.

This was not my wedding.

This was a wedding that I would never ever love.

This wedding was going to be adored by my mother and his mother, but never me.

I will never enjoy the wedding.

I started to wander around. I felt so sick inside, not the kind of vomity sick but the kind where you want to run away. It was as though I was a trapped little bird. I could not run, but I needed to. I could not change things, but I needed to. I was stuck. I was stuck. That was about the time I woke up.

; m ; if I reach my wedding, it will never be like that. Even if it is rushed.... NEVER