I'm tired of waiting for a day that will one day bring me pain, I'm tired of waiting for a day to fix all my problems. I'm tired fo waiting for a person I know wont come back to me. I'm tired of looking at the guys at my school and feeling guilty because I think one is kind of I stress kind of cute. We sit in class and kind of talk to each other. I haven't had a voice in so long that I've just been listening. He's really nice to me, he doesn't expect anything of me and he gives me food and stuff and never asks for anything in return. He treats me a lot better than how my boy treats me, but I....I know I'm not going to do anything with this kid. I know I'm never going to leave my boy though I've been told I should I know my boy doesn't treat me the best...but he's the best I have...though if I did leave him for the guy in my class I'd have better. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm almost out of school and I'm at a loss for where to go from here. I need to figure that out so I can get the rest of my life in order. I need to know what I want out of my life so I can put everything into perspective. I wish it was all so simple. But I know it's not going to be. This kid in my class is what I've always wanted but I never have been able to get and he's here now, free from and attachments and he's always flirting with me. I know in my heart that he likes me, when ever he gets a glimpse of the ring I wear he gets really sad and doesn't talk to me for a while. I know he wants me and I know he'll take good care of me...but I'm afraid to leave the boy I have now. I'm driving myself insane because I know I wont be able to see him until after my freshman year of collage...he's going off to Iraq for a year within days of my graduation. Isn't that a wonderful graduation present? Is it really worth it to get into a relationship the last few months of school when you're not just ending a school year but you're ending a chapter of your life...is it fair to be with this kid in my class when I don't know where he's headed and I'm not even sure where I'm going....is it fair to be with someone who will make me happy in the here and now and leave someone who will make me happy forever? But is it fair that he's re-enlisting when he goes off to Iraq...because I think he secretly hates me and wants me to kill myself so he doesn't have to deal with me and my problems...I think he secretly wants me to kill myself so no one will have to deal with me. Is that fair?
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Iceheart2092 Community Member 
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