PMS sucks...it really does. Like, especially this week. Its so bad! I haven't been this depressed in months like this before. And I'm practically thinking the same way I did those months ago. I couldn't even sleep till midnight last night -___-" I thought it was just hot so I took my pants off LOL That actually helped a little. But it still took a while for me to actually fall asleep.
My stupid brain never shuts up >.< Especially at night. And especially when I'm all alone. And thats the thing..ALONE. Sure, I love to be alone once in a while so I blast out my music but..I love being with friends more.
But then I always have to part with the ones I love.
Like, I used to be friends with Kristen and Danni. But then they became best friends and I was just like the third wheel, so I made friends with someone else. Of course, those friends still stick with me.
hm..Vanessa. She's STILL my friend. I think for 10 years at least. Yet, she's planning to move across the country for college.
Jia..I couldn't hang out with her until the end of the year .__. She studies so much..even now she's studying when its summer break. But then she probably won't have any time for friends once she goes to college. She might even go back to China. Jun too...apparently he wouldn't mind taking his mom's job. She does all this natural remedy stuff with needles, herbs, and bees. He'll take it if his mom opens a clinic. But he'd have to study abroad in China for a freaking long a** time. Now..we are going out. Somehow. And now I know for a fact that this is probably going to be like a high school fling or something. He'll go to China and marry Chinese woman, cause they can cook. All I can do is art haha
I sound so clingy. Or like one of those really clingy, love struck dummies on Facebook...well maybe not. Just..I've felt like this for a long time, even sometimes without this damn PMS. I mean, one of my greatest fears is losing the ones I love. But its not like I can do anything about it. I'm always afraid for my future..by mom is making me doubt myself. I want to become a piano teacher. Its obvious that I love art so much, so I shouldn't choose a job I won't enjoy doing for the rest of my life. But who knows with this stupid economy now. I can surely move on, yeah, maybe. It'd take a pretty long time. I don't even know if I'll find any new friends. I barely have any now. Maya is one of my best friends, but she's already moving in the summer. She was my best buddy ;__; I'm going to miss her soooooooo freaking much. I need to hang out with her again when I get the chance.
But yeah...that damn PMS. I just hate the feelings and thoughts I get. I hate to remember this kind of stuff.
 Anisan0 · Tue Jul 19, 2011 @ 01:19pm · 0 Comments |
