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I'm tempted to make more, to fill the hole with people but I won't. I don't think I will. I know I could if I wanted to but there's still some piece of me that's still holding that creative part of me back. It's like "there are other things to do.. there are other ways to live... there are more hearts to break"

Do you realize how many people I have technically killed?

There's at least twenty souls that I've taken... I can't think that far back. Trying to remember, it hurts. Swift pain to my left temple. I think it's blocking me, shutting my out right now.

I guess I should get off for a while. There were things I needed to do online but, honestly, what's the point?

I'll probably end up going through my room again... there are still some corners that have mystery items tucked away. owo" My new friend helped out today, for a while. I just needed more time to talk... and there's no one on. I don't have the will to call anyone or text. I just kinda wanted something easy and simple... keep my mind alive and moving on. I can still feel the invisible grasp of his words on my mind, wrapping around and digging inside the layers. He's bringing out questions I don't want answers to... questions I don't want to ask but if they keep repeating, I know I will. I'll ask the painful things I don't need to hear. I'll break the glass. I'll touch the other side and get infected once more.

Don't get too close to it Jen.

And I thought last night, if in making love you call out your lover's name... what would someone call out for me? Would they speak Jennifer? Would that make me happy or would Sakura be better? Would I give them another name? Is this the new way to create....?