Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Every time I talk to you, I end up with the same lasting impression of, why do I bother? Why do I even try to include you in things? You always don't know. Your response to everything is 'idk'. Why do I even bother trying to talk to you, trying to be your friend, when it only seems that I'm a friend of convenience? Maybe we aren't as close as I thought we were...

I don't understand you. Every time I try to get you or you and your friends to go do something, you lead me on with uncertainties for ten minutes and then inform me that no, something else had come up, you don't want to, something prevented that from happening, or you suddenly have plans when a minute ago you were just hanging. I swear, I'm of no consequence or use to you if you aren't dead bored. You go and do all these interesting things, go out of town, go to parties, and it's okay for other people to go with you, but I never cross your mind... you care about me, yeah, my a**... Not the way you said you did... I've become no better than your ex to you, haven't I... Just something entertaining to lead along until even that doesn't interest you about me anymore...

You know that, as sad as it is, I've never been to a party... I've never been 'popular' enough to be on the list, or on the list of the people on the list... or even further down... So you go to one and blow off my attempts at kindness by telling me you were at a party finally, and proceed to ignore me... which, perhaps, wouldn't bother me quite so much if this wasn't how it went every time... Hey I'm going and doing something I know you'd drop everything to join, leave me alone now. And you're the person that I call my best friend... I'm not that good at making friends... I guess it makes sense that I would pick up someone like you who would treat me like that... You have to be popular and well liked to have friends who won't leave you like that, and even more so to have friends who will invite you to go do things with them, whom you don't have to buy things to see...

I don't know why I bother... besides the fact that I care for you... but that seems to have gone by your blind side... Not that you don't know it, it is painfully apparent every time I am near you. You just don't seem to care about any longer, it has become uninteresting to indulge and twist it any longer... Thanks.. you've taught me that you really can't trust anyone in this world...


And yet, why do I stubbornly come back after every time.. foolishly hoping that it will be different.. that you will want to be around me... stubbornly wishing you would feel for me how I do for you, while even though your words lead on my hope, I know it is something that will never happen...