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Rant of a life time?
Can we say being torn apart? Naah, I know my body and mind will numb and my heart will lock itself away. It is just I push myself into this pain that I had not felt for so long. The pain of fighting for someone over and over... Yet they throw you away. Yes I talk about the first pain like it was nothing, but it lingers, and it grew stronger after the second. I guess we could of called it love, but the distance tore that word to pieces. Than I fought and fought to put the pieces back together only to have it torn apart... Heh not only did I actually cry myself to sleep. I don't sleep. I wake up every hour, or even minute like my body is expecting not to wake up. Heh, well I did complain on getting so much sleep after working a back to back shift only getting 3 hours of sleep so I could push back this pain of not feeling the embrace of the one I called mine... The one I thought was true... What can I do now, but live numbing this everlasting pain again. I wished she could of known that pained side too... Wished I could of told her about how I really never had a childhood and why I ACT immature so I could feel how it felt, but I am an adult. Stated int the documents of my birth. There will be no reliving childhood. No getting back the precious moments I deserved. Back when. Oh well. I guess I can work on being put down by all my family members and having them know nothing about me cause all they see is the bad... Heh.. It is funny because they tell me all I remember is the bad parts of my life and I wondered why... Maybe cause they brought it just as much as I did... I realized that when I stopped talking around them.. Heh, but I love my family without them I could of been a dead 7yr old on the street. Starved to death while her mother was drugged out in her room... Ain't it wonderful... And than after I keep telling myself others have it worse off, but grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side I suppose... Sometimes I wonder how I find that light in so much darkness but I did and right now it seems cloudy and so far off... Oh well. Life goes on and I live another day. Yay? Well there is a little piece of me I only let a few see. Have fun with that information probably won't hear about it again.
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