She was my seventeenth birthday present even though it was ten days after my birthday when we went to get her from the animal shelter; I did not mind, I was just so thankful to have her and as the years went on I just grew more and more thankful because of everything she was to me and everything she stood for.
Going back to where I lived when she came into my life and standing there with Asai...I cried. I cried over all of it- remembering that time, remembering things I know I can never have again in this life, so damn grateful for all the good in my life because it started right there. It really did. That place was the first time I was truly happy and had good things in my life...so being there, having taken Asai to see the place where it all started and he has heard so much about, had this massive effect on me. It literally felt like my past and my future happiness melted together. I truly came full-circle that day, that moment.
And that is where he proposed to me. On the corner of the little apartment building I lived in when I was the happiest in my childhood, when the very best things in life had entered it. I was not a child when we lived there, not in the strictest senses, but I was young and, looking back, terribly innocent. At the time, of course, I thought the world was well and truly heavy on my shoulders. And perhaps it was, compared to others at that age; especially some of the people I know...but looking back I had no idea. The young never do.
But when he proposed to me...it was like everything good came together; when he went down on his knee and pulled the ring out, I just started to shake and cry, the crying part not something I did very much in front of him except after Candle went home. And I swear, when he asked it was as if I could feel Candle back at her usual spot on the slope of the roof, peeking at us like she would when I was coming home after the school bus had dropped me off. There was a tree that she would climb and use the branches to get on top of the building...coming home and seeing her on top of the roof with that pleased look on her face was the best medicine. She always looked so happy to see me and I was always so happy to see her. That became a running theme with us- no matter how bad my day, at the end of it I got to come home to Candle and that made everything okay and worth it.
I think she was there, watching, at that very special spot. I know she may be gone, but Candle is never over.
I will see her again; when I do, that will be a very good day. It will be a very, very, very good day.
