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Hey.

Sorry (things have been insane) stupid fights, drama, grrrrrrr stuff XD. Right now I shouldnt even be up either. (But I am) I can't sleep.. its been a long day. I can't seem to NOT ever NOT get injured somehow in some form. My hands are cut pretty much, haha nice right? I now have a beautiful mark on my wrist (thank you for causing it Mr I'm always right!!!) (your not supposed to know who that was) anyway..

I'm friends with a person I shouldnt be friends with. (Just my luck but hey he's nice what can I say?) school has been ugh! I'm so sick of it sometimes! (fair warning: sorry I'm complaining no one else would listen so this is helping me take it out by typing) I can't see my best friends barely anymore. I feel like I'm losing my mind so slowly.

Oh! Did I mention I cut my hair? Oh yeah! biggrin its short. My mom literally yelled at me so much (I knew it was gonna come though) she looked like she wanted to kill me. I'm seriously glad I did it. I needed a change, not to mention summer is coming up so its shorter & lighter. She was upset saying, "Easter is coming up and your hair is a disaster you literally chopped your hair off like with a razor!" (Let me take credit that I used normal scissors to "chop" my hair off as my mom says, and I didn't use my razor, thank you very much) but (I wanted to say that YES I WAS NOT thinking bout easter you're right.. wanna know why? Cause I was thinking bout your birthday mom!) but no I didn't. I stood there with no expression hearing how terrible my hair was to her. Since when have I done anything she likes nowadays? nothing. I can't please anyone!
Then there's the effing drama bout my best friend's "friends" and her boyfriend! GRRRRRRRR who blames me for every thing that goes wrong with their relationship? The effing boyfriend talks me out and says crap and blames me for everything between my best friend and him! I wanna attack him the next time I see him. Oh! and then there's my best friend's friend who causes so much drama! Nothing goes right anymore.

Can't you tell alots on my mind? there's more but those were the main ones. I hate to admit this (being a stubborn dumbass like me) but I just don't know what to do anymore. Whenever I try to do the right thing its always wrong for someone else. If I try the wrong thing its still wrong. (Sorry I'm not trying to confuse on purpose)
Then there's this guy at my school, whom I always make accidental eye contact with, or we just happen to go in the same directions or turn up everywhere. Now it gets worse for me cause I don't talk to him and he ends up in my dreams. Yes he's cute but no I'm not gonna like him and I'm too shy (chicken is more like it) to go up and say hi. I did that once and no thank you ever again. (I even asked him to homecoming and I have no idea still how that turned out with what he said cause even he confused me) But I will not like him because:
1) every girl has a crush on him (I won't be like the others)
2) I'm too shy or chicken to do anything bout it
3) He reminds me too much of someone who I miss too much
4) He shows up everywhere I happen to be! (or it could be the other way around)
5) He shows up in my dreams and that is just crazy (That's my fault but I dont know how I do that either so thats kinda out of my control)
6) He's not my type. Period.

"Life's a climb, you just gotta enjoy the view." and it's almost midnight here from Chicago. And I'm still not tired but my foot fell asleep. I'm on spring break too, which is good I guess. Well I have to write a research paper and work on my humanities "book project" but I'm almost done with that heart its going to be cute.

Now is random: I'm wearing my cowboy hat <3 heart loving it. Man, sometimes I wish I was a countrygirl and not a stupid citygirl. I hate the city. And I'm sick of my own family flipping me off or being jerks bout how I feel towards what I like/appreciate/respect in life. I respect their own opinions/views, but I don't get that.
It sucks being the oldest in a way too. The only good thing is driving and leaving early. I cannot wait till my 18th birthday in a year. Let me tell ya, I won't be around on 9/7 haha I'll be driving God only knows where I'll go and I won't go back till monday. (The only reason I'm going back is because of highschool and college.)

I don't want to move to Arizona, (this is where I am completely different from everyone in my own family, they all want to go there and I don't) I'd rather move to Tennessee. (No idea but for sure ain't Chicago or Arizona)

And let me tell ya one last thing. I ain't going to prom. Sorry.