Why is it that I feel like a moron when it comes to him? Why can I never ask him anything? Even if its just "How are you?". How come I wont tell him that I know when he started to seem "Leave me alone!"?
I want to be good with this but its hard... And last night where it was like "Oh dang, we almost Banged!" makes things look worse... How come I feel a distance from him in the relationship? Will he ever show me that he cares for real or over the line? When he say's those three word's I want to die because there's a feeling deep in me that screams "HE'S ONLY SAYING IT TO GET A RISE!!!! STOP WHILE YOUR AHEAD!!" Love sick? Hah I know its not... I think its more like deeply like sick... I hate myself for this. I know I'm a problem. I'm not stupid. I know I can be way better to, But I'm not being better... I don't know why... Maybe it's because I feel he needs to show more to? Mmmmm maybe not? I really can't say! I know that if I don't I.M him we wont talk... And its ra across my head that maybe we shouldn't? Not to prove anything... Just not talk... Because when the slince comes its killer... I hate it... I always feel like I have to say sorry for EVERY LITTLE THING! It's like okay I'm a prev sometimes (all of the time) and when I say something prevy its like he wont say a thing and I'm fast to say sorry. Its like on the spot sorry! Or when I I.M him I want to say "sorry for ya know I.M.ing you!!" He for some stupid reason I don't know scares the life out of me.... Lately I think its because I want to seem awsome, amazing, perfect... But I'm not any of those! Not in the lest.
So thats only the beging of how I'm feeling and some questions!
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Baby Blue Eyes ♥
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