I have almost no self-esteem ((yah- its that low)). I have absolutly no self-confedience. I am rarely TRUELY happy, but when I'm having a good day I'm as cheerful as a rainbow :3 I try to seem happy around most people so my depression doesnt rub off on them. I have severe depression. I have anxiety. I have suicidle thoughts racing through my head. I believe that I can't do anything right, and I am just a burden on everyone. I told my therapist why I wanna die and she started crying ((Do they usually do that??? O.o)) I cut myself- ((very rarely though now)) At one point I cut my arm over 80 times on my one arm, one night. I am a very lonely person... My 7yr old cousin and 9yr old sister remind me why i'm still alive. <3 I want to be a photographer. I talk to my self alot ((long story why i do it)) I'm 12. I am usually really good with advice and many people ask me for advice. music saves my soul. im agnostic- yet i still pray to god when i have no one else.... so i guess im a lil christian then? im a disgrace to my family. i love getting random messages from friends- it makes me feel a bit better. I love children- and i want some when im older. i love poetry, my favortie poet is Edgar Allan Poe I watch my 7yr old cousin on the weekdays and i love him with all my heart. i have a dad and a step mother- they made my half-sister: stella. I have a mom and a soon-to-be-step-daddy: jeff- he and his past wife made my little step-sister: Gabby <3 My step mother: Shannon- Has said only about 30 words to me in my whole life. And iv had her in my life scince i was 7. She makes me feel unloved-and un cared for. my sister Stella beats the shyt owtta me and i cant do anything about it because ill get in trouble- shannon doesnt do anything about it- and my dad is sleepin ((he works alot)) i love my step daddy- he treats me like his daughter. I cant stand mean people. I love nice people. I live in Michigan. Im in a love triangle and i hate it... Love is confusing, painful, wonderful, irritating, beautiful, and dreadful all at once. I seclude my-self in the dark alot. I like being alone- but i hate being lonley. I'm suprised if you bothered to read all of this.
I didnt write this because i wanted pitty- ((i hate pitty)) i wrote it to get all of this chizz off my chest.
<3 you guys....
Sad Avocados · Fri Mar 18, 2011 @ 06:19pm · 0 Comments |