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I just wanna go ahead and get my feelings and thoughts out for a bit.

1. Yeah, sometimes I use my awful memory as an excuse. But most of the time, I honestly forget. My memory or my attention span or whatever it is, it doesn't function properly, okay? Cut me some slack.

2. I've got $185 that I might not get because I took too long to reply to the letter that my old job sent me (which was late, by the way). So that's a ton of money that I might not be getting.

3. I'm not going to be able to afford this month. My hours have been cut twice in a month. While I like the time off work since I freakin' hate the place, I need the money, and while some is better than nothing, I still feel like I'm not making much.

4. My boss only cut my hours because I didn't sell enough of whatever crap he's having us push off on people, I think. I cannot force people to buy. I'm sorry, jackass.

5. The house is filthy. I don't want to clean it.

6. Alex makes me happy.

7. The new computer is cool, but I'm irritated because Alex offered to let Noah play on it. Um, NO. I bought it with my money. Noah had NOTHING to do with it. Why does he get to use it when nobody's allowed to use his computer?

8.Don't touch it. I bought it for Alex, not you.

9. Thanks to this damned computer, Eric and Noah say that I now owe them about $520. They wanted rent for the month they told me not to pay, plus electric, plus bills and rent for April. I'm in debt. Again.

10. I've been trying so hard to control my temper lately. It's becoming very necessary that I keep a tight hold on it because I can't seem to stop myself from being angry. It's probably because of all the stress, but I'm not really sure. It could be because it's that time of the month, too. And has been for the last two weeks.

11. DAMNED BIRTH CONTROL.

12. I've been snacking so much lately. Like, I get up and eat at least 6 times a day for the last few days. It's just small stuff, but it's fattening. And I can't stop. I'm hungry.

13. I've been contemplating mortality lately.

14. I've also been contemplating stopping eating. The ways I've heard it described just make it seem so appealing that I almost can't help myself. I feel like I wanna just stop. Eating makes me sick. Not eating just hurts.

15. I can't decide what I think. I can't decide what TO think. I don't know how.

16. Using the tablet hurts my back.

17. I'm getting more and more angry, lately. I don't have my own space in the house. I've tried to claim my sleeping spot (the couch) as mine, but I don't even get that. I come home, and I see Noah lying on the couch playing video games or Sarkhan snuggling his girlfriend on the couch, and I just get anger bubbling up inside me. I want my own space. I'm tired of not having a single place in the house I can go that won't be invaded by someone else.

18. I'm just tired of Sarkhan. He won't go away.

19.I'm tired. All the time. And the little things? They're starting to really grate on my nerves.

20. I never want a child. And I'm terrified that that will make me a disappointment to my father.

21. I can't stop thinking about how I'm perceived by the people I know, and how my decisions will affect them. I can't stop thinking about it. I want someone to make all my decisions for me, because I keep hoping they'll know best. I don't know if they will or not.

22. I miss DLS.

23. I've been getting nauseous lately. I can't figure out why, but I'm pretty sure that it's because I don't have glasses anymore. (It's gonna cost me $200 to get new ones. Oh joy.)

24. I want Noah to leave me alone. Yes, I hate my job. No, I don't want you to suggest other places that Alex and I can apply for work. No, I don't have enough money to pay you off all at once so leave me the hell alone kay thanks bai. Yes, I know how nice it'd be to have the money now. No, dammit, I don't need you to parent me; I have my own parents and would appreciate it if you would either develop an extrovertial personality because the only times you ever say anything to Alex or I is to get on our cases about something or other.