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I honestly don't see a point in trying to do anything anymore, cause no matter what I say and or do, it's never right or good enough. At times I swear my family and everyone else would be better off if I was dead or had never been born.

Why do you say that ?

Simple. My family busts butt to try to make a living and we can't seem to be able to do s**t. We can hardly afford to keep up on the bills, let alone try to rent a house to get out of the little hell hole we're currently living in. Yet, my aunt and uncle who don't work and live on the Well Fare system for where I live, gets everything handed to them. They needed a place to live, Boom !! They got one provided by one of my other uncles. Their truck breaks down. Boom !! The same uncle that provided the house, gave them a car. So tell me. What the hell is wrong with this picture ? I honestly am thinking that I should just disappear, so I don't cause anymore hardship for anyone.

Who the hell knows ?

And the stuff above is just the start of it all. What else is bothering me is my dad. When I first told him I was going out with my boyfriend, he seemed fine with it and such, but lately he keeps making it seem like it's taboo or against some stupid law that I'm dating. And yet, he has the nerve to say he's happy for me that I've got a boyfriend that makes me happy. But honestly, I think it's bullshit cause if that was the case, he wouldn't make it seem like it's a big inconvenience when my boyfriend texts or calls. I honestly wonder if I was to say "Would it make you happy if I broke up with him and stayed single until I die ?" to my dad, if things would improve.

Oh, that's right. He wants me to be "Happy".

Hell, I don't know what true happiness is anymore. And seriously, if he wanted me to be happy, he would get over the whole "You're still my little girl" s**t and stop making me feel like what I'm doing is wrong and that I'm nothing,

And wanna know something else ? I can't talk to him.

Seriously, I can't talk to my dad about this cause it's like talking to a brick wall combined with a few responses here and there and a already lit firecracker. My dad never wants to talk about stuff that's bothering me, and even when I try to tell him something he interrupts what I'm saying and gets the conversation back on him. Plus, the man has a temper so that doesn't help. It also doesn't help that I can't seem to say anything to him without it coming out wrong and getting him pissed at me.

So I'm dammed if I do, and dammed if I don't.

And at this point, I don't care about anything anymore and I'm about to just give up on everything, because I don't know what the point is in trying anymore.