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The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can’t do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can’t. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you’ll have to square with that some day. And me, for example, I can let you drown, but I can’t bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?

I think we’ve all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically.

Well Mr. Turner, I’ve changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell, I swear on pain of death, I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonnie lass. Do we have an accord?

“The Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow.” It has such a lovely ring to it…

A wedding? I love weddings. Drinks all around!

Worry about your own fortunes gentlemen. The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers.

When you marooned me on that god forsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate: I’m Captain Jack Sparrow.

You need to find yourself a girl mate. Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You’re not a eunuch are you?

Fortunately, I know how to counter it; the man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink; the man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking.

Of the two of us I am the only one who hasn’t committed mutiny, therefore my word is the one we’ll be trusting. Although, I suppose I should be thanking you because in fact, if you hadn’t betrayed me and left me to die, I would have an equal share in that curse same as you.

Me? I’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly… stupid.

Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.

Well, yes mate. See, I’m dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you need to watch out for, because you never know when they’re going to do something incredibly… stupid.

You can keep doing that forever, the dog is NEVER going to move.

The last time you left me a pistol with one shot.

Seeing as there’s two of us, a gentleman would give us a pair of pistols.
The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can’t do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can’t. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you’ll have to square with that some day. And me, for example, I can let you drown, but I can’t bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?

I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that.

Elizabeth… it would never have worked between us darling. I’m sorry… Will… nice hat. Friends… This is the day that you will ALWAYS remember as the day that you…

Well Mr. Turner, I’ve changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell, I swear on pain of death, I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonnie lass. Do we have an accord?

Not if you’re the one doing the ambushing. I go in and convince Barbossa to send his men out with their little boats. You and your mates return to the Dauntless and blast the bejesus out of them with your little cannons, eh? What do you have to lose?

She’s safe, just like I promised. She’s all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we’re all men of our word really… except for, of course, Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.

Worry about your own fortunes gentlemen. The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers.

No. I expect to leave you standing on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching me sail away on my ship and then I’ll shout the name back to you. Savvy?
Of the two of us I am the only one who hasn’t committed mutiny, therefore my word is the one we’ll be trusting. Although, I suppose I should be thanking you because in fact, if you hadn’t betrayed me and left me to die, I would have an equal share in that curse same as you.

No. *You* want you to find this. Because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your bonny lass, ol’ what’s-er-face.

Dirt. This is a jar of dirt.

Where is it? Where is the thump-thump?

I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Master Gibbs. Now where is that monkey? I want to shoot something!

Got it! Come to negotiate, eh? Have you, you slimy git? Look what I got
I got a jar of dirt, I got a jar of dirt, and guess what’s inside it!

Can’t let you do that, William. ‘Cause if Jones is dead, who’s to call his terrible beastie off the hunt, eh? Now, if you please. The key.

Ah-ha! So, we’ve established my proposal as sound in principle. Now, we’re just haggling over price.

You mistrust me? Listen, you can mistrust him, trust me.

Let us examine that claim for a moment, former Commodore, shall we? Who was it that, at the very moment you had a notorious pirate safely behind bars, saw fit to free said pirate and take your dearly beloved all to hisself, eh? So whose fault is it *really* that you’ve ended up a rum-pot deckhand what takes orders from pirates?

Have you not met Will Turner? He’s noble, heroic - terrific soprano. Worth at least four… maybe three and a half. And did I happen to mention… he’s in love? With a girl. Due to be married. Betrothed. Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half as cruel as actually allowing them to be joined in holy matrimony, eh?

No. If we don’t have the key, we can’t open whatever we dont’ have that it unlocks. So what purpose would be served in finding whatever need be unlocked, which we don’t have, without first having found the key what unlocks it?
Yep! I’m good wiv it. Shall we seal it in blood… I mean… ink?

Technically, I was only captain for two years, then I was viciously mutinied upon.

I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

Lum se se, eunich-y. Snip snip.

Cuttlefish… eh… let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish… bind them up together and they’ll devour themselves without a single thought… Human nature, in’it? Ooor… rather fish nature… So yes… we could hold up here well-provisioned and well-armed… and half of us would be dead within the month! Which seems grim to me no matter how you slice it! Or as my colleague so naively suggested, we can release Calypso, and God-willing, she will show us mercy… I rather doubt it. Can we just ignore that she is a woman scorned, the fury the likes of which Hell hath no? We cannot. And so, we are left with but one option. I agree with, and I cannot believe the words that are coming out of me mouth… Captain Swann.

Now, Will, you tell me somethin’. Have you come because you need my help to save a certain distressin’ damsel? Or… A damsel in distress? Or… whatever…

Send this pestilent, traitorous, cow-hearted, yeasty codpiece to the brig.
This is not my vessel. My vessel is magnificent, and fierce and huge-ish and gone. Why is it gone?

Why would he do that? Because he’s a lummox, isn’t he? Well we shall have a magnificent garden party and not invite him!

And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is once again gone. Savvy?

Why should I side with any of you? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past… one of you succeeded.

I leave you people alone for just a minute and look what happens. Everything’s gone to pot!