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I wonder what it is today... I think it might be stress. But I just feel so emotionally starved. I need affection. I need tenderness. I need to cuddle.

Strangely enough, Alex actually called me last night because I wanted to have a sentimental phone call with him. And things lead... south. Which, I won't deny, is a lot of my fault. He wanted it, he admitted it. But I indulged him because he did want it.

I think, tonight, I just need to have affection. I need to have him text me, tell me he'd like to hold me for just a minute, for no other reason that he wants to.

I'm so stressed out. My nails are as brittle as ever. My skin is breaking out a little worse every day. I find tiny little blemishes on my thighs now. I was SEVERELY disrespected by my roommate and I hate the god-damned tension going on with us now. I'm becoming more and more anti-social; I don't want to be touched by anyone, and I sit and think more than I do anything else. I blare my music so I have an excuse not to talk to anyone. I reach out to people out of habit, and I start to get irritated at myself because I know damn well that I don't want to be around any of these people, and I sure as hell don't want to touch them. Debora walked by me today and brushed my arm with her hand, and I scowled after she had walked away and actually had the urge to wipe my arm off. I mean, Debora irritates me anyway, though. Seriously, she's so naive and happy that it actually makes me sick sometimes, but I think that's just because I've been negative lately. Stress.

I need Alex. I need his touch, his presence. And what's worse is I know I can't have it, because physical contact is really tough for him. I can't rush him. But right now, I just need that possibility. And I can't have it. I think that's killing me a bit, too.

Oh, and guess what else I was thinking today: Amidst my daydreams of Alex and the fantasies of being able to spend time with him, I realized that even if I did ask Louis if I could move in, there'd be no room. None. They're already two to a room as it is. How in heaven's name are they supposed to fit someone else in there? Their apartment is stuffed to the rafters with their... stuff. There's no room for me. Besides, I very highly doubt Louis wants to see me sleeping on his couch every night, even if my pajamas are cute.

Lots of stress.