Amanda (Sept 4, 10:58pm ) : I've stopped kicking. I give up. That should make you feel better, at least. I still want to talk tomorrow, but at least you can sleep tonight. Good night.
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Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:04pm ) : You there?
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:04pm) : Yeah.
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:05pm) : Sorry it's so late, I stayed up all night talking to Eric.
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:06pm) : Is it alright if I ask what about?
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:06pm) : Heh, you don't have to. It was about you... but more about me...
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:07pm) : Oh. Well... Did you have any epiphanies, breakthroughs, or hurdles overcome? That's usually what comes from hours of talking.
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:08pm) : Actually... Yes.
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:08pm) : Share with me? Or is it off-limits?
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:09) : I... have been a fool.
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:10pm) : Oh? Feel free to continue being as absolutely vague as possible. Don't worry, I'm well versed in psionics. I'll just read your mind. /playful sarcasm
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:13) : I've taken away Picasso's brush... Mozart's piano... stopped the creation of something beautiful... before it even had a chance...
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:16pm) : You asked me to stop fighting for you. That's what you wanted. Isn't it?
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:16pm) : It was.
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:18pm) : Then shouldn't you be happy? I stopped kicking. I don't know what else I can do to make you happy. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard.
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:20pm) : But... I'm not happy. That last text last night... made me sad. It took a whole lot of introspection to find out why. Thank you, Eric.
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:21pm) : Can I ask what the "why" is...?
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:26pm) : Of course. I... liked it. Deep inside me. That's the reason that I did what I did. I am going to give you a chance. However, we play by my rules. I... want this to work. I still don't really know why, but Eric says that's not important. I'm not promising anything but a chance. I'm going to let you close.
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:27pm) : That's really all I asked for. Are you sure you're willing to do it, though? Do you understand what it'll mean?
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:29pm) : I'm sure, though I don't know exactly what that means... and that's ok... I think.
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:30pm) : I... I have to ask you for something. I don't want lies. If you don't want to talk about something, tell me. If you don't want me to know, say so. But please... I don't want lies. If you lie, it makes me think you're something you're not. I want the real you. You don't have to show it all to me if you don't want to. But don't fabricate yourself... please.
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:31pm) : Yes. No leading on.
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:32pm) : Not just leading on. In general. When we talk. When we spend time together. I don't want lies. I want you.
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:34pm) : That's fine. You won't get it all at once. No way. But I promise you... what I let you see... will be me. Sometimes, I want to be left alone. Sometimes, I'll act strangely. Sometimes, I'll want things that don't make sense.
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:37pm) : As long as it's you. Tell me what you want when it makes no sense. Tell me you want to be left alone. As long as you communicate with me, I'll be happy.
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:41pm) : Then that I can do. I liked playing Soul Calibur... no... I LOVED that. I want more of that...
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:43pm) : Are you kidding? That was a BLAST! I had so much fun that it still makes me laugh when I think about it. The Apprentice is a douche >:[
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:44pm) : AGREED! I WANT MORE OF THAT!
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:45pm) : More of the Apprentice? ARE YOU MAD?!
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:47pm) : No, no... more of that kind of interaction. I want to show you every game I have... Amanda... Will you be my Player 2?
Amanda (Sept 5, 5:49pm) : That's... the nerd version of romanticism... I would be honored.
Hawksley (Sept 5, 5:50pm) : Then so shall it be. Hmm... You play DnD...
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The conversation kinda falls off into DnD and other things there. Make your own judgments, but you see my decision.
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Mental Cesspool
All the little thoughts, problems, and concerns that I may be dealing with at any given time, spread out for the internet to see.
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