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Hey guys. I'm writing this so everyone knows that I ******** wanna kill myself, FOR REAL. I was having a great day and s**t, my awesome movie marathon, and it turned into a very horrible day. Summer, a crazy eight year old Russian girl I have to babysit, cousin, Savannah, came over today. Since I am the only girl she knows, she hangs out with me occasionally. But, I really don't like her, AT ALL. She is a real b***h and just likes to ditch my with her demon Russian cousin. Thats all she uses me for. AND I HATE BEING USED. D:< GRRR! Well, *sigh* Much to my dislike, I HAVE to be friends with her. My mom got fired from her job a couple of months ago and she might get a real good job at ***** (not naming) working for Summer's dad. That way, I won't have to ******** move to God knows where! But, that is some heavy baggage for me. More babysitting, that I DON'T get paid for, and hanging out with this user! Well, earlier she got a call from her uncle saying that she can spend the night and of course, I DON'T get a say in this. So now I'm sharing my clothes and room with her. GRRRRRR. My mom said I should try and hang out with her, but she seems more into the annoying school popular type, like my brother. So, they hang out, which gets on my nerves even more because my brother is calling me fat, even though I weight TWENTY less pounds then him!!!, and he is also spreading lies about me to her! And she will tell her cousin, who happens to be in my grade and goes to my school, who might end up telling the rest of the world about that. Hopefully, he won't though. He usually is nice to me because I have been friends with since like... Pre K. But yeah, those two are 'being nice' to me. At least, thats what they are telling my mom. They actually are getting on my nerves. I couldn't even watch the end of my last movie cause of them!!!! D:< And if you know anything about me, disturb me from my movies and I will get INSANELY PISSED. And now, even though she is older than me, shes 16, and s**t, my mom is making me watch her. Making sure my brother and her don't do anything inappropriate. Even though I know my brother could never get a girl in bed and she has enough common sense not to do that. But yeah, since she lives in a different time zone, she lives in Oregon she is not tired at ******** 1'O CLOCK IN THE DAMN MORNING. And I am damn tired. I wanna go to bed SOOO BAD. >< But I can't because of that b***h. AND I AM ON MY ******** PERIOD. I AM IN NO ******** MOOD TO BE USED AS A WATCHMEN LACKEY BABYSITTER FOR THE OLDER, RICH, AND DAMN SNOOTY b***h. *rageface* So right now I am really thinking about going outside and drowning myself in my pool. Or going out in the street and getting hit by a car. Maybe even falling out my window. Something to ease this pain. Something... I even stopped texting my friends so I don't have a bitchy fit to them. Even though I really wanna vent. Thats why I came here. I also came here to say if I'm not on tomorrow, its one of these reasons:
A. I committed suicide.
B. I'm sleeping my life away til I die ( which won't work cause I have been trying for a while ).
C. I had to go do something with that b***h.
D. I was forced over her cousin's house to be tormented til I 'accidentally' fell over their deck, which is like 30 feet over ground, and died.
E. I was forced over her cousin's house to be tormented til she ends up killing me.
F. Her cousin came over here and killed me.
G. They decided to kill me.
H. I had a mental breakdown.
I. I went insane ( This will probably be the one, because I have stopped talking to my family and has started to talk to either myself, my Iggy-bear, or my imaginary friend (( I made him because I am really lonely )) ).
J. I have rotted my brain out reading fanfictions til the wee hours in the night ( *doing that now *)
K. I am actually sleeping, but not to kill myself, because I am DAMN TIRED.
L. I'm in the hospital for attempt suicide.
M. My family is trying to make up for me being tormented and took me out for lunch, a movie, and then to Books-A-Million. ( PFFT! Yeah right! )
N. I went to do those things but my parents don't know what I have been through.
O. I'm trying to decide on either killing myself or not.
P. I am hiring someone to kill me. ( I would like that to be someone I know because then I wouldn't feel as bad )
( I'm skipping over Q cause I do not like Q. Its just a O trying to get some attention, and I don't like bratty Q's trying to get their stupid attention. (( Yeah, I'm insane. )) )
R. I'm in the hospital morgue for succeeding suicide.
S. I'm lazy because I'm on my period.
T. I'm talking to the suicide prevention hotline.
U. I'm signing up for therapy.
V. I ran away. ( If I ran away, I will probably end up at one of my friend's houses )
W. I'm rotting my brains out by trying to watch TV to get myself to forget my worries ( THAT DOES NOT WORK *has tried* ).
X. I'm drinking alcohol to drown my sorrows ( I know where my parents keep their vodka, wine, beer, gin, chardonnay ).
Y. I'm drinking soda to drown my sorrows ( Just in case my parents stop me from drinking alcohol ).
Z. I'm drawing, trying to take my mind off my sorrows.
AB. I'm doing homework to try and take my mind off my sorrows.
AC. I'm dead by accident. ( Not likely )
AD. I'm trying to find the best rope to hang myself.
AE. I'm doing some sort of craft to take my mind off my sorrows.
AF. I'm just sitting there like a dieing person with no hope.
AG. I'm getting yelled at by my friends for acting insanely emo.
AH. I'm at a friends house cause they are trying to cheer me up. ( Not likely also. XP)
AI. I'm school shopping. ( GRR. Another reason to be upset! )
AJ. I'm just shopping. ( *is going to try and get a gift for Cookiez cause her birthday is coming up and I don't care what she says, I AM GETTING HER SOMETHING. biggrin * (( Oh wow, the only happy face in this whole post. =____=;; )) ).
AK. I am shooting my bro's airsoft gun at a target thinking that its his face.
AL. Writing stuff that I want for my birthday that I shall NEVER get unless I make the money myself ( Which I don't see how I will cause I'm not payed for babysitting ).
AM. I am avoiding Gaia because I know people will yell at me for this.
AN. Is getting yelled at.
AO. Is doing chores ( That I ALSO don't get paid for ) that are usually the ones no one else wants to do.
AP. Out for a walk.
( NO Q's )
AR. Doing something top secret.
AS. Day dreaming about how much better my life would be if I was someone different.
AT. Day dreaming about how much better my life would be if anime was real.
AU. Not dead yet, but is dying!
AV. Dying on the inside.
AW. On a killing spree.
AX. Is playing violent video games thinking everyone I kill is someone I HATE.
AY. Watching movies cause I have been bored since summer started. ( Except my TWO trips to Disney and my trip to Helen. )
AZ. Listening to music to drown out my crying.
Okay, yes, I went through the Alphabet twice. ( except for those evil Q's! ) I will probably be on Gaia tomorrow because of my unhealthy obsession. ( I ADMIT IT. I AM A GAIA ADDICT. If I had a facebook, I would probably be a facebook addict too. ) But yeah, If I'm not, Look at this. Well, look at this anyway. Learn my pain. TT^TT Well, I'm going to go back to trying to kill myself, Bye.