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I had a breakdown Wednesday evening. Literally.

I was spending time with Tye, and he had to go see Shane. Well, I was still halfway upset about something he had said earlier, but I said it was fine and I let him go off. I went to stand next to Marissa. I asked her to walk with me. She said sure.
We started to talk, and I started to explain that I was upset. I explained why. I told her that I was upset because of what Tye said. I was still blocking out losing a very dear person to my heart. I was stressed because I couldn't concentrate on my studies. And on top of that, I hadn't spoken to my best friend in so long and it didn't look like that would be changing. And then, I started to shake, and said that I couldn't breath. And then I got even more scared, because I couldn't breath, and I said I couldn't breath again. And I grabbed Marissa's arm, and screamed and fell on the ground. I screamed. And fell down, and had to deal with the worst panic attack to date.
It was horrifying. I had screamed loud enough that people had started to walk over, looking to help me. Marissa stayed right by me the whole time, trying to convince me to keep breathing. I didn't want to, of course. There was actually a 45 second period where I really did stop breathing altogether. Which was an interesting feeling, because I was so lost and heartbroken that my body didn't tell itself to keep breathing; it didn't want to anymore.
I kept saying over and over again "Mein herz verzletzen, mein herz verzletzen", or, "My heart is hurting, my heart is hurting." It was a phrase that I had learned back from being with Wijo, interestingly enough. The only thing that I still remembered.
I'm stressed. My eyelashes are falling out all the time. I'm so tired of spending every waking moment of my days trying to fight back waves of tears. And the pain... Oh god, the pain.