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I guess I've talked about what you and I have been through often enough that, while it still bothers me, it doesn't send me into a corner to mope or make me scream when someone mentions dating.

I realize that, since both of us were in love with someone else (me for most of the 'relationship', you for all of it), dating was a miscalculation filled with projection.
You saw through that first, which pissed me off simply because I didn't. Didn't want to.

I appreciate what you tried to do with the songs that seemed to fit.
The nagging song at the back of my head - that I never mentioned - played in full, and I realized it was "Thinkin' Bout My Ex," I couldn't tell you. I'm sorry.

When she lets me, that ex, that really good friend, receives my help.

My confidence has gone up enough to pursue modeling, for real this time.

I've met women and men who, though some saw me for what I am and not what I want to be, made me feel good about myself. I've been celibate since that one chick.. *She* has gotten engaged!

Seeing as it's nearing Summer, I've gotten ballsy enough to traipse about the Pier with my shirt off.. I even got down as far as my underwear to tan. It felt amazing.

While on the Pier, I met several new friends who refer to me as "he."
Quite a difference from the lack of trust and deep-seated resentment of biological males - and full-blown lesbians who have an issue with transfolk being more than friends - I carried back to NY.

I'm on and off with the father-son thing because he just doesn't get it, won't read about it, and is trying to make me give him grandchildren because my sister doesn't want to.

By the way, if you ever read this, which I doubt, I'm talking to "that stripper," we're good friends again. She's going for massage therapy, so she's busy.

I'm trying to figure out whether I should be patient with this friend I have in the modeling world, since he has already called someone about possible work... or go back to that job selling novelty items, save money, find a quaint little two-bedroom apartment in Taylor or something, and settle into things with her.