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Lord, Father in Heaven, forgive your daughter for the sins she has committed. Forgive me for being so immersed in my life that I've neglected where my heart lies. Forgive me for being so mindlessly addicted that I've forgotten what I hold dear. Thank you for seeing what is best for me, and for continuing to show me what is right and wrong. Thank you for giving him the insight he needed, and me the security to know that it won't happen. The safety.
Lord, help me through my troubled times. I've removed the necklace that she gave me for a week now. I've decided to stop holding so tightly to her. And I feel like it's the right choice. She doesn't have time for me anymore, with work and bills and all the sleep she needs during the day, not to mention her boyfriend and her extracurricular activities. I've come to the point where I still love her. I still want to be her friend. But I can't keep revolving my life around her anymore, because I don't think I mean nearly as much as she meant to me. She never showed it, and the first time in a month and a half that she actually did contact me and promise to call me, she fell through. Again. I'm tired of being taken for granted, lord. I'm tired of her thinking that I'll always be there, never needing anything. Because once in a while, I do like to be acknowledged. To be loved. To be told "I miss you." But I haven't gotten any of that, and I'm just tired of it all. To her, I say "You're still my friend. I still love you. But I've taken off the necklace, and I just can't keep telling myself that you care about me and are dedicated to me like I was to you. Because I know I wasn't. God, how I'd love to hear differently, but they'd just be ceramic lies again. I love you. If you find the time, call me. Okay?"
Holy Father, forgive me for my sin, for letting go of what has kept me sane so long, and Father in Heaven, please give me the strength to continue on, even when she's forgotten me.
Lord Jehovah, please stay by my side. Please watch over me. Because my life doesn't show any signs of getting any easier. When he leaves on June 7th, I'll be horribly lonely. I'll cry. I'll wait every day to hear his call, if he calls. I'll cry longer, on the shoulder of my friends. Neglect my appetite. Wish I could move on, forget. I don't know what he means to me, Father. I don't know. But I don't want him out of my life right now.
Forgive me for rejecting the beautiful hearts you had already made mine, for setting them aside. For allowing my own resolve to waver. For letting myself become weak and self-indulgent.
Holy God, please take care of me. I can only beg you over and over that if you can still find something worth saving in this worthless excuse of a human, please save that little shred. Please protect me. Please watch over me. And please don't leave me.
I ask you this night, as I do every night, sweet Lord, that you protect my friends and family, both living and dead, wherever they may be. I pray that you also pay extra care to my sweet angel that has forgotten me, because she is still so precious, and still too good for this world.
Lord, I pray all this that you will stay by my side tonight. That you will protect the ones I love for another day, and you will help me through my night, as alive as I can be. Please, God, let your spirit fill me and give me strength to overcome my fear, to conquer my increasingly worsening panic attacks. The strength to carry on with the path I have chosen, to bear the weight of my consequences, and to answer for my sins when I should.
In the name of your most Holy Son, Jesus Christ, I pray to you Lord,
Amen.