Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Do you ever feel like you might die alone?

When I think about him, my heart gets heavy, my chest swells, and my eyes burn. As though, if I were to cry this very moment, it would be like letting go of a captured breath I'd been holding onto for years.

I just want to have complete assurance that he's mine, and mine alone.
There's a broken heart attack sleeping in my chest. Only because it's been broken so many times I don't know how to fix it. I thought he would fix it...why can't anyone fix it?
I never knew how to fix it, maybe it was meant to be that way, broken, just like the rest of me...

"The stitches are all that hold the pieces together."
3 years ago, give a year maybe. June 25th.
I never forgot.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's a lot on my mind.

How I'm about to let my family down because of school.
How badly I need to find a school to go to.
How
How
How...

How? How am I going to do these things? I'm not ready to grow up. But that doesn't matter, I guess. every second I'm getting older, time isn't stopping, even if I try holding on to the past, grabbing the grass like a drunk man....

August 21st will be a whole year without you Josh...
I hope you're resting soundly. I wish I was as brave as you. I want it to stop, and I want the pain to end, but I can't bring myself to be as selfish as you.
I am a bit angry still...

You loved me, but left me all alone?
Story of my life. Loved, and Alone...