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Of course anyone who ever goes to read my journals knows who Mason is. My boyfriend of what, a year and five months? I love him so much... Lately I don't really get to see him as much as I'd like to... and at times he'll be gone long enough to make me think I made him up and I'm just so psychotic that I can't get it through my head he doesn't exist. He's just so amazing...it's hard to believe that he's real, and of all the people in the world, he chose me. Me of all people! It wasn't hard for me to chose him...he blew my mind away. Of course when we met I was still semi-dating other guys every now and then, but I'd keep thinking about him. Those relationships didn't make it a month anyway. stare

That's one of the reasons I find it so shocking that he wants me. I've only been dumped once, normally I do the dumping sadly enough, but he told me things that made me think. He told me things about myself that most people, not just guys, dislike. It was awful. >_< But after he dumped me, I nearly made myself cry so it would seem like I cared...and then I put my foot down. I waited for almost three years for Mason to make a move and well, I was done waiting, so on this very site, gaiaonline, I wrote a journal about how much I loved this "one guy" (because he reads pretty much all of them) and thought I was being pretty obvious. Turns out I wasn't as obvious as I thought because he didn't seem to get it. Haha... it all worked out in the end though because he's mine and I'm his... and even better I got to hear his voice last night for the first time. I didn't get to call him like I would love to...but he had a geek mic ( xD ) and was able to actually talk to me, although I couldn't talk to him. sad I love his voice so much...everytime he would say something my heart would thud hard against my chest and my thoughts would swirl into confusion. But it made him so real... it brought it to my face that he wasn't a figment of my imagination, and even though I didn't think it was possible...I think I love him even more now.

I even managed to dream about him last night after so long. heart It was pretty much expected...I mean, what else would you dream about when you talk to someone who occupies all your thoughts until 2 AM? At first I just dreampt that I was still in front of my laptop, hearing his voice and we were just talking about nothing. Then I woke up, and then fell back asleep, dreaming I was back in front of my laptop telling him about my dream of talking to him on my laptop. It was kind of mind boggling. I was pretty happy with those dreams...but more towards when I really woke up today, I had a nightmare. We were at some kind of school festival or something and it was kind of fun. There were games and plays and rinks and such...of course for some reason the ground would suddenly gave in in some places. Weird, but whatever, right? Anyways, we were walking around like we were just friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend, and at some point he had taken hold of my hand. Me, of course, is freaking out about it and having happy geeky attacks, but he didn't seem to notice. ^^;; Anyways, he needed to go to a nearby little shop to get something, and I went with him because for some reason I wanted these little papers that were there. -shrugs- Well we got there and went our separate ways in the shop and suddenly I was grabbed by some man and dragged behind the counter before Mason could notice. He held a knife or something against my neck...so I couldn't do anything...

Mason lunged at the other man standing on the other side of the counter, knowing he was part of it too, but the man spun around and stabbed him in the stomach with a pair of keys. In real life I'm sure it would've been nothing, but in my dream it was like someone stabbed him with a butcher knife. He fell to the floor, coughing blood, dying. And I was forced to watch...it was awful... I guess in my head it just means I'm really afraid of losing him...yeah? He's everything to me...I never want to lose him...