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Twenty-four* pretty damn random things going through my head; all I have been thinking all day is one of the many lines from Alice that I adore so very, very much- "The time has come to talk of many things..."
And so here we are.
I am not promising that any of this will make much sense; I shall warn you now before you stumble into this chaotic mess that my thoughts wander to their own music and there are sometimes some very obvious connections...and then there is just the insane way my mind has of making some of the oddest leaps. There are just too many thoughts and so little time.
I wanted to try to get some of the tangles out, if that makes any sense to anyone but me. I have a madhouse upstairs, and not one of the lunatics need a full moon.
~*~
* This is a snapshot of who/where/what color I am at the moment. I will never be this person again. I will never think these exact same thoughts again, in the order and layer that I am thinking them now, and I will never feel this exact haze of emotion ever again. What I love and hate, despise and desire, want and need right now will never again be the same as they are at this moment; my dreams, nightmares, and inner realities are already broken against the new ones that have just formed. I am here and I am gone at the exact same moment and by the time you read these words you would have already lost me.
* I got Firefox and ohmygod is this damn program NEATNESS incarnated. @.@ I railed against the program for so long because I am the butthead of the zodiac and did not like being told that I had to get the browser. Plus I never had any issues with IE that other people had so for me there really was no point fixing something that was not broken. The same could be said about Vista versus 7; yes, I had issues with the OS but nothing so bad that I felt the entire system was crap.
Until the boyfriend unit upgraded my beloved computer to 7. And installed Firefox on it despite my growling over how I had no problem with IE. And I got to sit down and actually spend a few hours on said computer, with its shiny new OS and lovely new browser.
Oh. Goodness. heart I am in love.
* I am less then two thousand tickets to an item that I have been spazzing over since it first appeared. ^.^ Keep in mind that I have been playing the slots for this one tiny item pretty much since it got put into Prize & Joy; the item I want is for six thousand tickets. That is all. But every one of those tickets I have actually played for, though I have bought tokens from my Cee-Cee. heart It really does not take a lot to make this one happy. ^.^
* I can not wait to go camping again. Last year the four of us went camping and it was sheer joy the entire time, except maybe when I thought about the bugs...but I purposefully will not think about that because if I do, I will refuse to do it again. xD
Really. I hate bugs. >.<
Camping was fun on so many levels. We did it on Dragon's birthday weekend and I really hope that we can do it again this year (weather and schedules permitting); having said that, I hope the weather will play nice and this time we can all four actually get the entire three days off. Last year it was Cee that had to work and this time I am pretty damned sure it will be me because of the promotion. Not that I am complaining about the promotion, it has been the saving grace on many levels of my little world, but I know it might be hard to get three whole days off in a row; not unless something happens between then and now. I am going to make sure I have the dates written down tomorrow because the sun has gotten me to thinking of better, brighter times and besides that, I am a masochist when it comes to making plans. A masochist that never learns.
* I really, really, really need for J.J. to fix the issue he has caused with my inner thought-processes. For one, two episodes in a row with no Sawyer makes me cranky. And for two- well, I will not spoil it for anyone, but if the one big issue is not fixed I will mac and cheese something! I will! *Waves a big red plastic spoon about* And they will all have chins!
</Pretty damned proud to combine a 30 Rock and Lost reference into one.>
* Tidus is just too damned pretty. He looks too damned sweet. >.< I want to smack him, he looks so innocent. >.< Hand. Itches. To smack. Must. Resist. >.<
* I actually made progress with cleaning the clusterfrack stuff around/behind/under/beside/on top of my desk and Creation Station yesterday. I made the conscious decision to stop beating myself to death mentally over what time I have let slip away and instead just focus on getting my head back into the game (Damn. >.< Just lost. >.< wink and getting back in control of all my monsters. All my projects, I mean. It is not their fault I started them all and now I feel like they all have pointy teeth and sharp nails to get at me when I get close enough. I really, really just need to start focusing more on what time there is instead of mooning over what time there is not.
Time and the passing of it and everything else about it has become a rather unhealthy obsession of mine. I watch the clock like I really think I can stop it from taking anything else away.
* I just ran outside thinking I heard Count Hollowberry's car door. What a goob I am. xp heart I lurves him.
* So happy spring is in the air. It is already boosting my mood and energy feeling the warmth and brighter sun. I feel like I am finally waking up after a restless night and that feeling is a nice break from the shitastic mood I have been hauling about me here lately. I've only myself to blame for it but I have taken steps to remedy the situation and so far I have actually kept my New Year's Resolution, that being to take better care of myself. I cut back on my caffeine levels (which makes my bank balance happy- oh, and it's an unhealthy habit if taken to excess and all that) and have tried very hard to ease up on myself. The perfectionist streak I have is going to be the death of me. That or my mouth. xD
* There will be a day when butterflies will make me cry. I am aware of this but I still love them. I embrace them for the very reason that I know will one day tear me apart.
* This thing checks my spelling as I type! WHOO. HOO! *Bounces about madly* I love this! ^.^ heart I used to have another page open to my favorite online spell checker but this is much, much better.
To the Looking-Glass world it was she that said
"I've a smile and a prayer, I've a crown on my head.
Let the Looking-Glass creatures, whatever they be
Come dine with the madness, the Count and Me!"
* I have invested far too much into certain series. Anyone that cares to set me off about Lost or Bleach will hear an earful. I have made peace with certain series (mostly because Hirano knows how to write and mostly because he gave me the very ending I most wanted. *SNRK* Like he was writing for me or something! xD) but there are a few others that just play on my nerves. And even though the last Devil May Cry ended well that game came at me when my wounds were so raw that I am still completely confounded that people were not more aware of how I was really doing during that time.
Either I really do hide things that well or I am well and truly blessed to be surrounded by people that notice little; I know Cee caught on to something early on but for the most part I kept things pretty well hidden. Or I think I did. Alexi is mollified now; that is all that matters.
* Holy crab-battle, Batman! Kouta Hirano is a Cancer! @.@
Wow. *Falls over from shock* Wow.
* Goodbye, halcyon days.
* I look forward to after work tomorrow so very much. The Crew is going to get together and watch the new Wonderland movie (Count and I already saw it on the ninth but I can not stand the idea of not watching it at least once more on the big screen; having the other two with will please me to no end ^.^) and get noms either before or after. I am looking forward to it because I know I need to spend more time with other people and I really, really love the vibe when we are all laughing and having fun. Now if I could only get my head back to the Mervel and we could enjoy our story once more...and more often, might I add! *Headdesk*
* DO WANT! heart Are some of those items not beyond fantastic? gonk So pretty and detailed!
* Get busy living, or get busy dying.
* I am far too big of a poop head to be half of the characters that I associate with; on one level or the other I am too mad or too proud or too stingy or too hateful and even the "bitchy" characters that I adore and think that I see some dim reflection of myself in (*coughIntegracough*) are not as flawed as I am. I am aware of myself on too many levels. I can not see the forest for the trees. I think that is one reason out of many why I have been even more withdrawn then usual here as of late; my own faults are so painfully obvious to myself right now that I feel like I will tweak out at any given moment under the weight of it all.
Just thinking of my life exhausts me.
Not because I am not happy. No; while there are some areas that clearly need some TLC I am also very highly aware and very sensitive to just how lucky and blessed I am. I have a lovely little home full of all my sentimental odds and ends, a beautiful little kitty that shares it with me, a sweet-goofy-unpredictable man that says he loves me and wants to make me happy, and a host of wonderful people that continue to want to put up with me. I have a good job with some nice perks that pays the bills and while there are areas I would love to improve in my little pocket of the universe I know that is the same for everyone. Who in the entire world does not wish for some little difference in their day to day meanderings? I have far more then I deserve; I have far more then I had ever hoped or believed that I would.
There's just...so much. And I am painfully aware that one day there will be more.
* Once I had a little game-
I liked to crawl back in my brain.
I think you know the game I mean;
I mean the game called 'go insane'.
Now you should try this little game.
Just close your eyes, forget your name.
Forget the world, forget the people
And we'll erect a different steeple.
This little game is fun to do.
Just close your eyes, I'm going to.
And I'm right there, no way to lose
Release control, we're breaking through.
Once I had a little game.
I liked to crawl back in my brain;
I think you know the game I mean.
I mean the game called 'go insane'.
* Told you I would be here forever.
* I have some great PMs! *POINTY-POINTY!* heart I has happies. ^.^
*Just twenty-four tonight. There's far too damned much going on in my head to just list it all. We all have stuff to do in this century.
 RadiantFlare · Thu Mar 18, 2010 @ 01:24am · 1 Comments |
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