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Once again, I'm being forced to be the bigger person. To step it up. To be the responsible one.

My dad just called me. He's been like, horribly sick for a few days. And he still called me. To ask that I apologize to Cathy, to just get it out of the way. He said that I'd be moving in a few days, and that it'd just be so much easier on everyone if I would do what she wants. That's a summary, mind you, not a direct quote.

He wants me to apologize to her. For attacking her. Something I didn't do. He wants me to bend my a** backwards and just cave. He wants me to give in to her. Again.

I am the only one that's ever apologized. That b***h doesn't think her s**t stinks! She thinks she is the almighty and the omega. I swear. She's even told me to my face that God is on her side. How dare the little demon that I am even think otherwise. She thinks I'm too fat, that I'm a lesbian, that I'm a whore, and that I'm an undisciplined little s**t. She humiliates me in public all the time. She says horrible things to me when we're alone. She's never apologized for any of it.

My dad said that some of the arguments were caused by me. I will admit that. She overreacted to what I did, in my opinion, on several occassions, but I will also admit that I was a direct instigator in several situations. Wanna know why?
Cuz I stood up to her.
And she freaked out and went ballistic.

He said that it'd be impossible to live like that when I came for visits for the holidays. (To be honest, I didn't once plan on coming up for the holidays if I had to stay with them.) He said he can't stand the tension. (Personally, I think he's trying to force happiness where it's blatantly obvious that happiness isn't allowed to live.)

But then he said something that made me think.

"I have, you know, I have my own opinions about what happened that day, Amanda. I mean, I've seen it for years, you know. And I'm just trying to"

I stopped listening after that. My thoughts started going.

He's seen?
He knows what she does to me?
How she treats me?
Why didn't he stop it?
Oh right. Because he's trying to make sure everyone gets along.
But at least he's seen.

So I finally said

"Fine. I'll apologize to her. But I want you to know that it will only be because of you. I'm not apologizing for her. I'm doing it so things won't be so hard on you."

And of course he starts going about how "Well maybe you should think about doing it for you, Amanda! Maybe you should do it to make you feel better!"

And I just let him go, and we ended up hanging up soon (on an okay note. Not good, not great.) I really didn't expect him to let up once I gave him an inch. Not one bit. I knew he'd try and make everything 100% even when I'm meeting him halfway. But that's alright. I already promised to apologize to the b***h. I'm doing it for him. That's all he can ask of me. Because I'm sure as hell not gonna back down and give in any more. He's got all I'm offering. Take it or leave it.

Gonna be honest. There's this little spot in me that's glad to finally have this s**t out of the way. That it'll finally be resolved after so long. Also gonna be honest, the little spot doesn't want to have anything to do with Cathy, and is only feeling happy because it doesn't want dad to have to suffer that b***h anymore.