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Bold=My Lines

(BRANDON and GIRL are in mid-laugh)
BRANDON: I didn't even-
GIRL: -I know, I know-
BRANDON: -I mean seriously! Jeez!
GIRL: -I know right?
(They settle down from the laughter.)
BRANDON: So listen - all joking aside...this is fun! I'm really loving handing out with you!
GIRL: Me too! This has been really, really great.
BRANDON: Hasn't it? Neat.
GIRL: Uh! There's a fly in my water.
BRANDON: Gross. Here, take mine. (To offstage smile Waiter, Can we get another water over here?
GIRL: You're so - sweet.
B: Ah, c'mon.
G: No really.
B: Anyone would do that.
G: Actually you'd be surprised. With the luck I've been having lately with dating...
B: really? But you're so fun. And beautiful.
G: Oh please.
B: No. I mean it.
G: You are just too good to be true.
B: Oh, Terry, Stop.
(Pause)
G: What?
B: What?
G: Who?
B: What?
G: Who's Teri
B: What do you mean?
G: you just called me Teri, who's Teri?
(BRANDON figets.)
G: Is it your girlfriend?
B: Nooo! No.
G: Who is she?
B: He
(Beat)
G: He?
B: He.
G: You're Gay?
B: No! Well, yes. But Terry is my agent. (Beat) I'm an actor.
G: You're gay.
B: Yeah.
(Pause)
G: And why am I on a date with you?
B: Okay... I'm sorry I didn't tell you this sooner, but it would've totally backfired if I did. Here's what's going on: I'll be playing Stanley in a local production of Streetcar, and since I'm a method-actor, I won't be able to play the part until I method-act straight.
G: Method-act.
B: Yes. I can't be Stanley Kowalski unless I truly experience what it feels like to woo a woman.
(Pause)
G: So you're telling me you asked me out on a date, had me get dressed up for a nice dinner, drive myself all the way downtown, and then got my hopes destroyed after thinking I had finally met a decent guy- all so you could get a better feel for being straight?
(Beat.)
B: Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I hope that wasn't unfair to you or anything.
(Pause. She takes her glass of water and douses his face. Pause)
B: Oh my god. THAT WAS PERFECT! The ultimate heterosexual dating moment! I've got it! I'm in! I'm Straight! STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
(She grabs the other glass of water and douses his face again.)
B: I deserved that.
(Scene)