I've finally realized it, just by talking to one of our own Ive figured out why Ive been hiding... In 8th. gr I was outshined by so many people I disappeared and once in a while I tried to find my way back but I was too blinded by the light and the horrible feeling at the pit of my stomach that I was already too late. I feel I can never belong to anything, hell when I commit to something I dont stay long till I what to try something new, and then I lose everything I had and once loved...
I fight and fight to make everything back to the way it used to be, but I cant. Im the oldest one of all yet Im still the youngest in the game of life. I want everything to go back to the way it was, no one see's what Ive become until I break down in moment's notice. My family nor my friends see what is becoming of me. A small insignificant hole in this ginormous universe. You want to know the sad thing? When Im not in pain or misery I want to be, because without the pain and misery I feel nothing... just complete and total emptiness. So sadly I aim for the painful thoughts, and yes Im the masochistic person here. Hard to believe, I know. I think the other reason why I aim at the miserable life goal I want someone to notice me... Just a small gesture or kind words to know that someone still cares for me... that someone in this world still knows I exist. My teachers cant even remember my name, strangers pass by me without a care in the world, my family treats me as if Im the unpaid house maid, and my friends are the only ones I can depend on to give me the love and care that any other person asks for... so it has come to my great realization that I am the Masochistic psychotic person here...
 Silent Dream Night · Tue Feb 09, 2010 @ 04:48am · 1 Comments |
