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i'm dead, so why am i writing this? i look back at what i wrote, and i realize my life couldn't have been better. i made friends, found love, started a family...but it was all fake. wasn't it? i'd died and gone to hell many times before syaoran had to rescue me. i always had to be rescued. but it was always by him. sometimes i did the rescuing, especially when it came to hikaru. heheh, such an innocent boy. he always knew how to drag mak into the worst sort of trouble...but he usually managed to get mak and himself out, and if he didn't, 'big sister' came to the rescue. i didn't mind, i love them. they're just like my two younger brothers, except in love. they really are cute together.
too many memories flood my mind. so many of them good that now they all seem sad, yet i do laugh when i look back on them. some of my favorites are of syaoran and i. he always seemed patient with me when i screwed up, though i didn't do it often. he seemed so...arrogant, so impulsive and pushy with everyone else. but with me he was so sweet. and then he died. just like that. we all died. what was the point? why did it have to happen? i'd finally married him...why would he come back to me only to be seperated once again? it's not fair.
i found out i'm to be a grandmother. my son, xin, and hikaru's daughter, maru, are going to have a baby. but it doesn't matter. i shouldn't say that. even though we're deat those three still prosper, still thrive. and they're carrying on all of our names. i wish them luck and so much happiness. they remind me of mak and hika, and even of me and syaoran.
i've spotted mak and hika's reincarnations...i think mak has issues in wanting to kill his former love...but it's silly. he's always been the silliest of us all, probably the most innocent as well. when i knew him he was always so clueless it was pitiful, but funny. but we never made fun of him...not too badly, at least. i wonder if he may have had a few screws loose...after all, i don't think it's natural to call someone a self-judging fruitloop, heheh. i suppose he was our comedic relieve. even still, he was powerful, though i often wonder if he ever knew just how powerful. but now he's a gun-crazy hunter. *sigh* i hope he doesn't end up killing hika's reincarnation.
hikaru is ever dilligent in his wind skills, no matter the life. though this time i think he's gotten a few extra powers. good for him. i always thought he was the most power crazed of us all, but not in too bad a way. no, he just wanted to protect his family and friends, that's understandable. i wonder if the boy could've beaten me in a match at all...i don't suppose it's too late to find out, is it? heh, actually, since both of us lack a soul and body i don't suppose it would be all that doable...oh well...
myself, i see very little difference between how i was and how my reincarnation is. she's still a fridgid b***h as i was once. still hard headed with a lead heart, and still too arrogant in her ways. oh well, i guess that's how i know she's me, right? i wonder if i'll see syaoran soon...i miss him so terribly. i miss everyone. our lives were torn appart too early in life; cut short just as we had finally found everything worth living for. life is a bitter virus that eats away at the heart and soul of the people living on this planet. a curable virus, but why do that when it'll all end anyway...? but for what reason did we live? what reason had we to die? there was nothing for either. it was just love and hate, that's all. it's rare to see life created of hate and ended by love.
i should return now. i'm getting cold.
rin~
 voidan · Tue Jan 24, 2006 @ 09:30pm · 3 Comments |
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